Mental Wellness
Overcoming Self-sabotage By Glen Ross
There are valuable lessons to be learnt from sports about personal growth , notably that we can sometimes self-sabotage our own development , success and happiness .
Images : Pexels
We ’ ve all seen athletes intentionally underperforming – it ’ s a strategy sometimes referred to as “ tanking ” – and surprisingly , this concept isn ’ t exclusive to sports : It also plays out in our personal lives . Much like athletes , individuals who are passionate about personal growth can sometimes sabotage their own progress . But why does this happen , and how can we break free from this self-defeating cycle ?
Understanding Tanking
In sports , athletes might lose games on purpose to gain a future advantage , like avoiding a difficult opponent in the next round . However , a deeper reason may lie in the fear of losing their defining talent . When an athlete ’ s identity is closely tied to their performance , the pressure to constantly excel can be overwhelming . By underperforming , they create a psychological safety net , protecting themselves from the fear of not meeting expectations .
In personal development , self-sabotage operates on a similar level . Individuals might set ambitious goals only to undermine their own efforts , appearing as procrastination , avoidance , or a lack of follow-through . This behaviour can be perplexing , especially for those committed to self-improvement , but several psychological mechanisms can explain this phenomenon .
The Fear of the Unknown
Change is daunting . Even positive change requires stepping into the unknown , which can be intimidating . You might have lived with certain thoughts , behaviour and patterns for so long that , despite being unhelpful , they are familiar and comforting . The journey of personal growth involves challenging deeply held beliefs and adopting new ways of thinking , which can feel unsettling . This fear of the unknown can lead to self-sabotage as a way to remain in the safety of the familiar .
Identity Crisis
Just as athletes fear losing their talent , people on a journey of self-development might fear losing parts of their identity tied to their struggles . For instance , if you ’ ve always seen yourself as a chronic procrastinator or someone who lacks confidence , the idea of shedding these labels can be disorienting . This fear of losing a familiar identity can cause resistance to change and personal growth .
Fear of Success
Success can be as terrifying as failure , as achieving your goals often brings new responsibilities and higher expectations . You might fear that you won ’ t be able to sustain positive changes , leading to self-sabotage as a way to avoid potential future disappointment . The pressure to maintain a new level of performance can be overwhelming , causing a retreat to old habits .
Allure of Secondary Gains
Sometimes , the problems you face bring unintended benefits . These secondary gains , such as receiving extra attention or avoiding certain responsibilities , can create a subconscious incentive to maintain the status quo . For example , if overcoming your anxiety means losing the extra support from loved ones , you might unconsciously sabotage your progress to keep these benefits .
Navigating Relationship Dynamics
The relationships in your life can also contribute to self-sabotage . You might project past patterns onto new relationships , leading to behaviour like withdrawing or not fully engaging . For instance , if you ’ ve experienced abandonment in the past , you might test the commitment of new friends or partners by pulling away , fearing eventual abandonment even when there ’ s no immediate threat .
Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Understanding the roots of self-sabotage is the first step towards overcoming it . Here are some strategies to help you break free and achieve your personal growth goals :
• Build trust : Cultivate trust in yourself and in your relationships . A strong support system provides a safe space for exploring your fears and confronting them without judgment .
• Explore your fears : Take time to understand and articulate your fears related to change , identity and success . Journaling , therapy , or talking with a trusted friend can help you reframe these fears and see them in a new light .
• Address secondary gains : Recognise and address any secondary gains from your current situation . Look for healthier ways to meet these needs , such as finding new sources of support or developing new coping strategies .
• Embrace gradual change : Introduce changes slowly and steadily . Small , manageable steps can make the process of personal growth less intimidating and more sustainable .
• Promote self-compassion : Cultivate self-compassion to reduce the fear of failure and the pressure to be perfect . Building resilience and a positive selfimage helps you handle setbacks and continue progressing .
Moving Forward
Just as athletes must confront their fears in order to excel , you can navigate your psychological hurdles to unlock your full potential . Understanding and addressing self-sabotage is essential for meaningful progress . By creating a supportive environment and using targeted strategies , you can overcome self-defeating behaviour and embrace personal growth . This journey is not just about avoiding setbacks , but about learning to thrive and achieve lasting change . Embrace your potential , and let your passion for personal development guide you to new heights .
Glen Ross is a dedicated Brain Health Coach , Therapist , and Mental Health Ambassador . With a passion for empowering individuals , he guides you on a transformative journey towards improved wellbeing and personal growth , helps you to optimise brain health , enhance mental resilience , overcome challenges and unlock your full potential . More at www . glenross . co .
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