Phone Ruining Your Relationship ?
By Paula Quinsee
Relationships
Phones , social media and devices are a common frustration or complaint that regularly comes up when working with couples , and can often be a symptom of underlying issues in the relationship .
In this modern world that we live in , most people have cell phones , and they go pretty much everywhere that we go . The temptation to look at them constantly is , quite frankly , addictive , and this can easily begin to affect your interaction and communication with family , friends and work colleagues , but in my line of work , the place I see the greatest effects of phones is on relationships . I have therefore put together this list of questions that keep coming up in this regard .
So when is a cell phone likely to ruin a relationship ? If one partner is constantly on their phone and not giving the same amount of focus or attention to their partner and relationship , it can cause problems . This can be a sign of other things happening in the relationship , such as lack of connection and growing apart from each other , not spending time together or making each other and the relationship a priority . It could also spell trouble in that there may be something else going on .
Should partners have each other ’ s phone passwords ? It depends entirely on the couple and type of relationship they have . Some couples prefer to have access to each other ’ s phones , devices and platforms , and share everything with each other . It can reinforce the trust factor and provide a sense of openness and transparency with each other . Other couples prefer to respect each other ’ s privacy and space , and don ’ t have a need to know everything . This does not mean they don ’ t care about or trust them their partner .
What should you do if you are constantly having arguments , going through each other ’ s phones or accusing each other of spending too much time on your phone ? Discuss what boundaries you have with each other when it comes to each other ’ s privacy , and how you will manage that in your relationship . Establish the ground rules so you know where you stand with each other at all times . Look to make device-free times or spaces in the home , to give attention to each other and your relationship , e . g . no phones at the dinner table .
Paula Quinsee is the founder of Engaged Humans , facilitating connection between men , women and couples . She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy Educator and Facilitator , NLP Practitioner , PDA Analyst , coach and trainer . She has authored two self-help guides : Embracing Conflict and Embracing No , as is an international speaker , advocate for mental health and activist for gender-based violence . More info at www . engagedhumans . com .
If partner do not know each other ’ s phone passwords , does it mean you both have something to hide ? No , not necessarily . Some couples are completely comfortable with their partner and in their relationship , and believe that their partner would not do something to harm them or jeopardise their relationship . They have established their relationship boundaries and are living their relationship values every day . If you or your partner are behaving in a secretive way , spending more time than usual on the phone , or their behaviour has changed recently – these could be signs that something is up , and it ’ s important to have a conversation about it before it spirals out of control .
Images : Pexels
Does secrecy with phones cause damage or underlying issues in relationships ? Research shows that it can take up to two years to rebuild trust once trust is broken in a relationship . Secrecy can cause a lot of hurt and pain in the long run , which can ultimately end up destroying relationships . Some couples can come back from a situation like this stronger than before , whilst for others it is a deal-breaker .
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