Relationships
Avoiding the Conflict By Paula Quinsee
Let ’ s be honest , when it comes to relationships , there are fights … and then there are fights . A fight can be a simple disagreement over which restaurant to go to , or it can be vicious and volatile , doing great damage to the person on the receiving end , and your relationship , too . And that ’ s why most of us do not like conflict .
Building a healthy relationship requires having some courageous conversations to understand what is important to each other , what your expectations are of each other and your relationship , and how you go about navigating this throughout the lifetime of your relationship . So how do we ensure we fight a ‘ good fight ’ and not let conflict destroy our relationship and each other in the process ? The video below includes some great techniques to achieve this .
Things to Avoid
A fight becomes ugly when we are abusive in any way ( physically , mentally , emotionally , verbally , sexually , financially ), when words and actions cut deep ( e . g . saying hurtful things ), accusing our partners of something and not being willing to hear / see their perspective , stonewalling ( i . e . shutting your partner out with silence ), exhibiting passive aggressive behaviour , being unwilling to resolve conflict and being intentionally aggressive or confrontational .
Ongoing toxic and volatile situations can have a long-term negative impact on your relationship resulting in breaking each other down . It will also have an impact on one ’ s mental health and wellbeing , because by constantly experiencing stress and anxiety , and constantly being ‘ on guard ’ or in a reactive / defensive state , it will erode your self-esteem , self-worth and self-confidence , and in extreme cases , may even result in depression and suicidal thoughts .
Your relationship consists of much more than trying to keep score or get the upper hand , so it ’ s important to intentionally want to resolve conflict and to choose your battles wisely . A healthy relationship entails two people retaining their individuality , but at the same time coming together to co-create their relationship ( i . e . the us , we and ours ). This means that you are free to be yourself , free to do things on your own without your partner ( within established boundaries ), and to voice your views , ideas and opinions , even if you don ’ t agree with each other .
In Your Corner
Every single one of us wants to feel loved and accepted , most importantly by our partner . Knowing that our partner has our backs , and that we can rely and depend on them , is what helps build emotional safety and connection in a relationship . It is important to constantly communicate with each other and understand what is contributing to negative remarks and behaviours that can end up breaking each other down , instead of building each other up .
Being able to rely on each other for emotional support , encouragement during the tough times , and celebrate each other ’ s successes is key to your relationship success – which is why you should make sure to neglect the important things in your life . Check out the video below for more advice on how to avoid this in your relationship .
Images : Pexels
Paula Quinsee is the founder of Engaged Humans , facilitating connection between men , women and couples . She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy Educator and Facilitator , NLP Practitioner , PDA Analyst , coach and trainer . She has authored two self-help guides : Embracing Conflict and Embracing No , as is an international speaker , advocate for mental health and activist for gender-based violence . More info at www . engagedhumans . com .
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