ROAD RUNNING
Spartans Ready for Battle at the SBBU Start
Spartan soldiers on a mission , are shrinking in the distance . Still wrestling with their bodies and minds , and chasing finish times . My body and I are not speaking . We are going through a trial separation . But let ’ s take it back to the beginning …
Sunday 30 April – 9.45am ( 15 minutes to race start )
The barracks are filling up with challengers . Bright colours like Coachella , or maybe Afrika Burn . Sleeping bags are unravelled onto sleeping cots . The legs of camping chairs are unfolded and snuggled next to blue cooler boxes filled with dried mango , biltong , sandwiches and energy bars . The smell of popcorn and coffee wafts across the room . A cowbell rings and everyone raises their heads . The time has arrived .
Cristy , also known as Dudette , is wielding her film camera . She pins a microphone onto the lapel of Johnny Cobra ’ s orange T-shirt and he opens the proceedings : “ Massive welcome to everyone to the SBBU 2023 . It feels like ages ago that we started to plan this event .”
Johnny Cobra grows the hottest chilis in the world in the back of his garden , so he is not to be trusted . He thanks everyone for attending , and then calls out the three key rules of the SBBU . “ Rule 1 : The cowbell will ring and signals three minutes before the lap start . That is your safety factor . The next sound you will hear is the Spartan war cry . If you are not at the start line by the end of the Spartan war cry , your challenge will officially be over ,” he explains . comments from within a clump of supporters , and laughter ripples through the barracks . The tension fractures , but is not totally broken .
Stroking his ginger Viking beard , Johnny Cobra goes through the various routes that the runners will follow for the next 24 hours . These are split into day and night loops . The routes have names like Spartan Heart , Two-Spirit and The Triple Stitched Aero . “ Rule 3 : If anyone pulls out , you must ring the tap-out bell . That will signal that your challenge is over . And Alistair will play taps on the bagpipes .”
Ger from Ireland , who is in South Africa on holiday , is the first person out of the barracks and makes his way towards the holding pen . He is an unofficial entrant who has procured spare kit and agreed to run the first loop with the runners . The SBBU has found a kindred spirit . The Spartan war chant is played , the competitors wish each other well , and goosebumps prickle the arms . Everyone is in good spirits . Feet cross the start line and head out past Settebello Restaurant , out the gates of the Italian Club and into the leafy suburb of Essexworld . The race is underway .
The first loop is festive and easy . It ’ s at a talking , jovial pace . After finishing loop 1 , we find out that
Marc The Shark did not start the race due to an unpredictable ITB . The SBBU has taken
Johnny Cobra ’ s magic chilliwhiskey potion , guaranteed to get you running !
High spirits as the first loop is tackled at 10am
The pre-run smiles later turned to looks of concentration … and sometimes desperation
its first victim . It is later announced that Simzo and the Flightless Eagles , when it was evident that they were both running in teams , have been disqualified . Everyone knows the law that Spartan Babies need to complete the SBBU solo .
“ Rule 2 : You ’ ve got to finish the allotted route in the hour , irrespective of whether you ’ re running the 4.2km or 6.7km . You ’ ve got to be back in time at the line before that war cry finishes . If you don ’ t make the hour , your challenge will be over . For the 100-milers , if you want to drop down to the 100km challenge , you can , but then your official challenge is over ,” says Johnny Cobra .
Shouts come from Warmonger in a German accent , “ Nein , Nein !” Crazy Hazy joins in with “ No , No !” The 100-milers are adamant they will not quit . Murmurs emanate from the crows . “ They ’ re idiots !” someone
Belloc72 running alongside Modern Athlete ’ s Richard Laskey , a . k . a . Bovis Dickus
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