Modern Athlete Magazine Issue 153 October 2022 | Page 28

Judging by the number of sugarcane trucks we saw , South Africans have a really sweet tooth
Tester for Legs and Lungs
While Crocs are a constant assault on the eyes ( in my humble opinion ), the Tronox route was a constant assault on the legs . I was told that the hill at the half marathon mark was the toughest on the route , but everyone who told me that was a liar . The return journey up the hill after the turnaround was much worse ! However , I consoled myself that from the top there was a decent downhill that would get us into the mid-30s – and from there it would be plain sailing back to Empangeni .
The downhill did indeed get us to well past the 35km mark , but the sailing back to Empangeni was as colourful as a sailor ’ s language . There ’ s no sugar-coating it , the last 6.66 kilometres are the devil ’ s work – essentially just one long , steady pull on legs that have had all their energy sapped dry by the humidity and preceding upsand-downs on the outs-and-backs .
Sadly , I am finding that two marathons a month is not enough to stave off the post-COVID middle-age spread . On that note , I think that there is a great marketing opportunity to replace the void left by the discontinuation of Redro and Pecks Anchovette fish paste with a new product called ‘ Middle-aged spread .’ Maybe Madonna could even endorse it .
On the Topic of Crocs …
On the subject of marketing opportunities , there is an obvious partnership just waiting to happen between the host club , uMhlathuze Athletic Club , whose motto is “ Home of the Crocs ,” and the most derided shoes of all time . With the hot and humid tropical climate , it ’ s unlikely you ’ ll ever need to wear closed shoes , let alone socks . Empangeni is a town that the fashion police steer well clear of , so this would be an ideal partnership opportunity for Crocs !
On top of this , the devil was stoking his furnace and the temperature was now approaching 30 degrees . Luckily the support tables were frequent and wellstocked , so I doused my smouldering skin with holy water at every opportunity . I ’ m not sure what kind of work the devil finds for idle hands in Empangeni , but my idle feet found it tough going as I slowly ground my way back to the finish .
One of the long , hot , steady pulls on the route
Although this is the “ Home of the Crocs ”, I ran in Asics
There are some really silly Guinness World Records for “ Fastest marathon in a [ fill in your choice of wacky outfit here ]” but it appears no one has yet claimed the World Record for running a marathon in a pair of Crocs . From the internet searching I did , I could only find a pair of ladies who ran the Edinburgh Marathon in Crocs for charity in a time of 4:32 . However , Benjamin Pachev from Utah in the USA seems set to smash that when he upgrades to marathon running .
Benjamin has clocked a 1:06 half marathon wearing Crocs . He ’ s from a large family of 10 kids , and says that $ 20 Crocs are not only a lot more affordable when you ’ re buying shoes for 20 feet , but he reckons they also last a lot longer when used as running shoes , giving him over 3000 miles , compared to an absolute maximum top range of 1000 miles with regular running shoes .
Post-race Perks
I guess the one benefit of mask-wearing is that it would protect fellow airline travellers from my post-marathon aroma , but luckily I did not need to check mask efficacy on the flight back to Joburg . Small towns usually provide accommodating accommodation options , and I can highly recommend Ian & Pam ’ s Flatlet to future runners of this race . Apart from a clean , affordable and spacious place to stay , there was no problem securing a late checkout so that I could shower before the 90-minute drive back to the airport .
After an ocular overload of sweetness on the Tronox Marathon route , this ‘ sugar daddy ’ needed to shove something bitter down his throat , and the Bidvest Lounge at the airport duly obliged . Whilst a spoonful of sugar may help the medicine go down , I can assure you that eyefuls of sugarcane ( and Empangeni ’ s incessant rolling hills ) make the post-marathon beer go down in a most delightful way !
Signing out from the Tronox Marathon
The Tronox route provides a constant assault on the legs
About the Author
The Running Mann has run over 240 marathons and ultras around the world , and his current mission is to run every marathon in South Africa , so he is particularly looking forward to running the 45k Timbavati Traverse on 9 July . If you ’ d like him to run your race or talk at your event , email therunningmann @ gmail . com . You can follow his adventures on Twitter , Facebook or Instagram , and on his popular blog .
Images : Martin Mulder , Stuart Mann
28 ISSUE 153 | www . modernathlete . co . za