Live Well
Surviving the Holidays as a Couple
By Paula Quinsee
The Christmas and the Festive Season are awaited with great anticipation by most , as they bring celebrations , family time , gifts and a welcome break from work , but this time of the year can also bring anxiety and difficult times for couples . Here are a few pieces of advice that could help you make this holiday a happy one .
Did you know that January is considered divorce month as it is the month with the highest number of divorce applications lodged ? The main reason why this happens is that couples get so caught up in their busy lives that they are often disconnected and when it comes to the December holidays , they struggle to communicate and connect with each other , leaving them feeling like they have very little in common .
It ’ s very simple to fix this if you know where your relationship is in the relationship cycle , and how to get ‘ unstuck ,’ but it really doesn ’ t have to be this way . There are some things couples can do over the Christmas break that can actually bring them closer together . Sure , it will take a bit of work , but it will be well worth the effort when January comes .
Manage Expectations
One of the biggest relationship killers is expectations , which tend to come up even more at Christmas time . Everyone has ideas about what ’ s going to happen , how gifts are going to work , who is expected to do what , and other seemingly small issues that , if not addressed , can have quite explosive results . The key to a successful Christmas is talking through every aspect of the holidays with your partner . Make sure you ’ re on the same page with each other .
Avoid Conflict
Family and friends can also cause lots of anxiety over the holiday period , whether it be your in-laws , your siblings ’ children , the bombastic uncle , or that nosy neighbour that keeps popping up at the most inopportune times . So how do you deal with this ? Try to remember that everyone is different , and thus has different views , but you ’ re only going to be together for the ‘ now ,’ not the ‘ forever ,’ so try be understanding and flexible .
If you need to , limit your time and interaction with the people that seem to press your buttons . Schedule time to do your own thing so that you ’ re not always in each other ’ s space . You may also need to set firm boundaries beforehand , so that everyone knows what is expected of each other while you are all together , which helps to manage conflict down the line .
Support Each Other
No one is perfect , so you should never be afraid of appearing less-than-perfect to friends , family , or even yourselves over the holidays . Accept that life happens , that even the best plans sometimes don ’ t work out . Laugh and have fun . Christmas is a lovely time to make new memories , so go easy on yourself , don ’ t take things so seriously . Just go with it , and enjoy your time together over this festive season . Remember that the shared experience you have with your partner and family is more important than getting everything “ perfectly so .”
Communication is Key
Lastly , the key to building better relationships , in my experience , is communication , communication , communication , and arming yourself with knowledge and skills that establishes a strong bond you can both draw on to handle any situation that comes your way .
Stick to a Budget
Money is another big stress factor for any relationship , but even more so over the holidays , when differences in spending priorities become more apparent . In this instance , good planning ( and sticking to a budget ) can really help , and the compromise of committing to an agreed upon budget is a great way to prevent potential conflict before it has the chance to come up .
We are in really trying economic times , and not everyone has money for Christmas presents . Giving your time ( or an IOU voucher ), or writing a letter of gratitude to someone , can be a really rewarding alternative to gifting purchased things . Not only for the people you spend time with , but for each other as well , as you bond over the shared experience of quality time and being fully present to each other ( including your kids ).
74 ISSUE 147 DECEMBER 2021 | www . modernathlete . co . za