ROAD RUNNING
walked around with watches that could monitor their heart while using satellites to calculate exactly where they were and how far they had run . The clothes they were showcasing was seemingly space age and far removed from the old rags that I had on , and suddenly I felt so out of place that I feared I may end up finishing last , or very close to it .
I had never run further than four kilometres at any one time , and here I had the audacity to take on these technologically advanced beings all around me ? “ Well you ’ re here , mate , no turning back now !” I heard my own voice admonishing me , and I looked around , startled , hoping that I didn ’ t say it out loud .
The announcer called us all to the start and I found myself swept up in a mass of humanity , readying for ‘ war .’ I felt the butterflies in my tummy and a rush of adrenaline making me shiver with anticipation . All the feelings of inadequacy were forgotten as we were herded into the starting shoot by race officials , and as soon as I heard the crack of the starter ’ s pistol , I felt the surge of the mob as we all rushed forward as one . The race was on .
The pace at the start of that race was frenetic , and I got caught up in the mass stampede of fleet-footed humans . I had no strategy , I only had one goal and that was to run , and run hard . Soon my lungs felt like somebody had thrown petrol on them and set them alight , and my throat was as dry as the Kalahari . But I felt alive , even though my legs were protesting with every step I took down Beach Road , gathering pace
Finishing the 2018 Two Oceans with his youngest son
26 as we ran past the Sea Point swimming pools . I was holding on , and I kept pushing myself forward .
I was enjoying the pain I was in , the same way I used to enjoy the pain during many of my fistfights in the years before . Now here I was , fighting myself , pushing past limits I previously thought of as impossible to go beyond . I looked around me and there were people along the street , cheering my every step and urging me forward . They wanted me to finish , and they wanted me to run strong , to give my all . In my exhaustion , I felt a peace I had never known before , and I felt nothing but love for these strangers smiling at me and cheering for me . I felt wanted and appreciated , and in that moment I was home , because I was a runner and this was my happy place .
The last kilometre of the race felt like an eternity , I just wanted to stop and walk , but I pushed on . I was doing this for me and my children , I was doing this to give that better man hiding somewhere inside me a release from his captivity . When I saw the finish , I put in a surge and I felt a joy I had never known as I crossed the line . Something inside me had changed in those 10 kilometres I had just run , and I felt more in tune with my soul than ever before .
How different my life was prior to that moment in Sea Point . For far too long I had found myself stuck in darkness , filled with nothing but despair , in a place of gangs , drugs and alcohol , filled with violence and no hope . I had become nothing more than an ‘ oxygen thief ,’ somebody who spent their days wasting away doing just enough for the next time they could get high or drunk .
PJ Moses , reformed I got into fights to satisfy the beast within me , not gangster , ultramarathoner , stopping until there was blood flowing from the one running writer ISSUE 136 DECEMBER 2020 / www . modernathlete . co . za who offended my thug sensibilities . My nose looked like Rocky ’ s at the end of his many battles with Apollo Creed in the famous movies , and I had scars all over from the knife wounds over the years . My skull still had some glass embedded in it from bottles people broke over my head , and my front teeth were missing . The streets were where I felt most comfortable , and being drunk or high helped me deal with the fact that I knew the lifestyle I was living was not a sustainable one .
Then running found me , and I slowly started to transform into the man my family always thought I could be , and my kids needed me to be . Now here I found myself jumping into the unknown , but I knew there was no other way . I knew that my previous life had no upside to it , and that I would either end up in prison , dead or an alcoholic and drug-addicted junkie that was no good to anybody .
I decided I wanted to live a better life , not in terms of material gain , but a more fulfilling spiritual existence and a more useful one . I knew it would not be easy , that I would face ridicule from friends and strangers . I would have to sacrifice and change many of my ways . I would have to fight without using my fists , and I would have to keep going when I felt that I couldn ’ t do it anymore . Was I ready for the change ? I didn ’ t know , and that scared me , but I knew there was only one real decision to make if I wanted to be a better man .
I decided to run . The destination was never the goal , the journey was always more important . And this part of the journey taught me that there is always hope in the darkness , that you should live to be a better version of yourself tomorrow , better than the person you were today .
Images : Jetline Action Photo & courtesy PJ Moses