of tea , which she always made in a teapot and not in a cup . Recalling that through all of her struggles , it was God and the church who were her constant and most trusted companions . |
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“ Ouma never really settled into the role of motherin-law . Your father always allowed her to interfere in decisions that we should have taken as a married couple .” My mother expected Ouma to be more sympathetic and support her decision , but she was reading the old woman all wrong , and was told if she intended to go through with the divorce , it would be best to find somewhere else to stay as quickly as possible . “ Andrew says the children stays here till his return , and until you can find a suitably stable home for them .” |
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The last stipulation was never to be , because it took Mom years to find a place she could call home , and in the end my mother became a peripheral figure in our lives . Meanwhile , my father came home to finalise the divorce and then went back to Windhoek as soon as it was done , leaving us in the care of Ouma while he continued to party with his new single status … not that being married had stopped him before . |
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the wonderful pain to come . The best decision I ever made was when I decided to run , and here I was running towards destiny , on my way hopefully to a better future .
In 1981 my mother decided that after eight years of marriage , she could not take any more of my father ’ s love for ‘ good times ’ and loose women . The fact that they had two children to think about probably kept her in the marriage longer than she should have been there . “ It was never just one thing that drove us apart but many . He did not show remorse for his actions , he seemed to think of them as normal . The choice was mine to make , either live with it or give up and go , in the end there was only one thing to do .” Divorce was the only answer she could find .
My father was working in Windhoek at the time , far away from our home in Cape Town , busy partying up a storm with the locals . He did not put up much of a fight to stop the end of his marriage . Instead , he decided to ask Ouma to make sure that Mom did not take his kids , and that she left the wedding ring he bought .
My ouma was not impressed with the actions of her daughter-in-law . She believed a wife ’ s duty was to stand by her husband , no matter what his indiscretions were . She never approved of Dad ’ s
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Two Oceans 2016
infidelities , but she never admonished him for them , either . “ Your Mom could have tried harder than she did ; he would have changed if she gave him more of a chance .” To me , it was a case of my Dad being Peter Pan , and just not wanting to grow up and leave Neverland .
Ouma grew up in a small town , where everybody knew your family . She left school in standard 2 to do domestic work and help out with the family ’ s finances , as this was expected of her , and she had no choice but to grow up quickly . A black-haired woman , small in stature but firm in resolve , she was a strong character and stoically met the challenges life threw at her . She moved to Cape Town on her own , without family or friends , when job opportunities were becoming scarce at home . Married life would follow , but the infant deaths of her first two kids would leave deep emotional scars . Her family would be forcibly moved to the Cape Flats by the Apartheid laws of the country , and then she had to raise her two children alone after her husband passed on prematurely . Life would trip her every so often , but she kept getting back up .
“ God tests our love and faith with the struggles life puts in front of us , we must always pray for His guidance and strength to see it through .” Ouma would always remind me of this as we sat at the kitchen table when I came home from school , enjoying a cup
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For my brother Andy and I , it seemed that my Mom was there one day and gone the next . Life would never be simple for us again . Neighbours and friends would recall how Andy changed during this period from a fun-loving adventurous spirit to a more intense and driven child . He still had the ever-present , light up the room smile on his face , but it seemed the joy had left his eyes . He has never said so , but I think he may have taken the blame of my parents ’ divorce on himself , and they just never took it back from him . |
Images : Jetline Action Photo & courtesy PJ Moses |