Live Well
Is Your Phone Ruining Your Relationship ? By Paula Quinsee
Phones , social media and devices are a common frustration or complaint that regularly comes up when working with couples and can often be a symptom of underlying issues in the relationship .
So when is a cell phone likely to ruin a relationship ? If one partner is constantly on their phone and not giving the same amount of focus or attention to their partner and relationship , it can cause problems . This can be a sign of other things happening in the relationship , such as lack of connection and growing apart from each other , not spending time together or making each other and the relationship a priority . It could also spell trouble in that there may be something else going on .
Should partners have each other ’ s phone passwords ? It depends entirely on the couple and type of relationship they have . Some couples prefer to have access to each other ’ s phones , devices and platforms , and share everything with each other . It can reinforce the trust factor and provide a sense of openness and transparency with each other . Other couples prefer to respect each other ’ s privacy and space , and don ’ t have a need to know everything . This does not mean they don ’ t care about or trust them their partner .
If partner do not know each other ’ s phone passwords , does it mean you both have something to hide ? No , not necessarily . Some couples are completely comfortable with their partner and in their relationship , and believe that their partner would not do something to harm them or jeopardise their relationship . They have established their relationship boundaries and are living their relationship values every day . If you or your partner are behaving in a secretive way , spending more time than usual on the phone , or their behaviour has changed recently – these could be signs that something is up , and it ’ s important to have a conversation about it before it spirals out of control .
Does secrecy with phones cause damage or underlying issues in relationships ?
Research shows that it can take up to two years to rebuild trust once trust is broken in a relationship . Secrecy can cause a lot of hurt and pain in the long run , which can ultimately end up destroying relationships . Some couples can come back from a situation like this stronger than before , whilst for others it is a deal-breaker .
What should you do if you are constantly having arguments , going through each other ’ s phones or accusing each other of spending too much time on your phone ? Discuss what boundaries you have with each other when it comes to each other ’ s privacy , and how you will manage that in your relationship . Establish the ground rules so you know where you stand with each other at all times . Look to make device-free times or spaces in the home , to give attention to each other and your relationship , e . g . no phones at the dinner table .
Paula Quinsee is a relationship and life coach , Tedx speaker and author of Embracing Conflict and Embracing No . She is a passionate advocate for healthy relationships and personal transformation , and works with both individuals and companies to better understand our relationship patterns , communication and conflict styles , emotional behaviours and traits , and how to have healthier human interactions in both our personal and workplace worlds . More info at www . paulaquinsee . com .
Try the Treadmill
If bad weather , getting home
late form work or local safety conditions make running outside hard , you can train for a road running race mostly on a treadmill , but you ’ ll have to make a few tweaks . For starters , increase the incline and ‘ run hills ’ once or twice a week , for balanced fitness . The slower uphill workouts build strength and power , while faster flat workouts build stamina , endurance and foot speed . Better yet , keep adjusting both speed and incline during your workouts , to simulate the changing terrain of an outdoor run .
Also , because treadmill belts offer a relatively soft landing , you should prepare your body for racing on harder surfaces :
• Strength-train twice a week ( lunges , squats , hip extensions , planks , pushups ).
• Run outdoors at least once each week during the last four weeks of training leading up to the race .
• During your race , throw in regular walk breaks every 3km , to ease the overall impact on your body .
Images : Pexels
52 ISSUE 134 OCTOBER 2020 / www . modernathlete . co . za