Modern Athlete Magazine Issue 126, January 2020 | Page 47

When the biggest thing I want in life is
to feel like I belong, this minor blow
stung deep. I was really sad. And then
I’d get angry and convince myself that
it wasn’t a real problem, and I didn’t
deserve to be sad, which would make
me sad for thinking that. It was a tough
cycle.
WALK
THIS
WAY
By Anel Oosthuizen
SAYING THANK YOU
“To become a better you, remember to be grateful to the
people who have contributed to making you who you are
today.” These words have stayed with me since I started
realising I kind of enjoyed the thrill race walking gave me.
A
s an athlete, nothing gets handed to you on a silver plate. You have to work
hard for it, earn it, and continuously keep performing to be recognised
as a ‘well known’ or ‘good’ athlete. To keep performing and to keep
motivation high is not always as easy as it may seem from the outside, as we also
face many battles within ourselves, as well as critique from the outside. This was
really brought home to me again when I recently read this open letter posted on
Facebook by the talented Canadian race walker Evan Dunfee, who placed fourth in
the 50km at the 2016 Olympics in Rio and third at the 2019 World Champs in Doha.
His words touched me deeply:
I really enjoy having this platform to
share my journey, ups and downs, but it is
interesting how much harder it has been to
post this. I’m starting to feel better, which I think
is why I’m now comfortable saying something.
I’m starting to look in the mirror again and see my
strengths and value, to build a vision for where I can go
from here, and how I can build on the incredible community I have
around me. And I’m so thankful to those friends who have listened to me, helped
me, and just told me I was allowed to be sad.
Instead of taking pity on me, please use this as an impetus to go reach out to a
friend and check in on them. Onwards and upwards
Evan
Sharing My Gratitude
While reading this, I could feel the emotions he went through, as we race walkers
are so often turned away from opportunities because of what we do, and mostly
because of how it looks like when we do it. This has made me even more aware of
the mental health of athletes, how we as a community must look after one another,
and just be there to check in on one another once in a while.
Secondly, it has made me even more grateful to be surrounded by people who
believe in me, and whose actions truly do speak louder than their words – and that
includes my sponsor. I have been race walking for about 13 years, and for almost
four of those years, my sponsor, Skechers, has had my back. Without conditions,
without pressure, I have had the privilege of representing them.
There was a time I did not have that, where I also felt that no one believed in me
enough to truly invest in my future as a race walker. Then Skechers came along,
having just started up in SA, and contacted me to start something... not a contract,
not a business deal, but a partnership, and a friendship. And I am forever thankful
for that. So I hope that all athletes find their ‘Skechers’ in their career, because you
are worth it. You just have to go out there and show the world!
The past couple of weeks
have been, to be blunt, shitty.
This year my mental health has
been the best it’s been. More
often than not I’d look in the
mirror and feel happy, valuable
and worthy. But a few weeks
ago that all changed when
my sponsor unexpectedly
dropped me from their team.
I get it, sponsorship isn’t a
handout, and if you’re not
providing more value to them
than you receive, then you
aren’t worth sponsoring.
But that is why this one hurt so much, because I was told, “It has nothing to do with
your character or personality… you are indeed a positive influence and help push
the brand forward,” and when asked what I was doing wrong, “Honestly, nothing
at all, you’ve actually done everything right and better than most… you were
everything we could ask for in an athlete”
It was because I race walk. I was a positive influence, but the decision I made when
I was 10 to pursue my potential in this quirky event meant I was worthless. And
that’s how I’ve felt. The feeling of worthlessness has been overwhelming, making me
question my work in the community, how much energy I spend to stand up for what
I believe in, and my desire to train. Right or wrong, the feeling was inescapable.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Race Walker Anel Oosthuizen is a multiple SA
Champion and Record Holder, and represented SA in the women’s 20km at the
2016 Rio Olympics.
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