Modern Athlete Magazine Issue 122, September 2019 | Page 23

PJ’S PIECE
By PJ Moses
Share Your Truth
Running is easy for me, talking not so much. I’ve had
trouble speaking since I was four years old, and stuttering
has been a tough thing for somebody like me, who often
has a lot to say.
W
hen I was young and I found it difficult to communicate, I would resort
to violence, and the harder it became to speak the easier it became
to be violent. I wasn’t an angry child, but I was quick to anger. I feared
speaking in public because of the ridicule that would always accompany it. The
fear, the anger and the frustration all led me down the wrong path to a dark world.
My choices were poor, and in the end I found myself part of a world with very little
hope of getting out the other side.
But being alive is hope in and of itself, and every day that I was still around meant
that I had the opportunity to try and change the course my ship was heading on. I
wrote because I loved it, and I ran because it kept me sane. This combination gave
me the power to break free of my past and fight, in the right way, for a better future.
desire to share my journey as a motivation for others out there, I decided to give
this talking thing a go.
I started with a talk to 10 people, then a larger group followed, and then a video clip
followed that. Soon schools started asking me to come and talk to their learners,
and even though I still had the fear, I now also had the courage that came with
taking on races that nobody who knew the old me would have thought that I could
do. Running ultra distances on tar and on the trails, standing on the peaks of the
most majestic mountains, and claiming the odd podium place here and there, has
made me more courageous. It made me the brave man I always thought I could be.
Live On Air
Then somebody said they wanted me to do a live radio interview. I almost choked
on my GU, because the fear was immediately back. How could I do something like
that? The people listening would laugh at me and complain to the radio station.
I would be a laughing stock. But what if I could inspire just one person? What if
sharing my truth helped somebody else to change their narrative? Was it not worth
the effort just for that slim chance? Of course it was, and I had come so far that I
couldn’t stop now – I had to take the chance, no matter the fear.
The interview was hard. I was sweating like a pig, with a mouth as dry as the
Kalahari, but I pushed through, because I focused on just telling my story and
sharing my experiences. The host was fantastic and the whole experience was a
beautiful one... I felt like Caeser after he crossed the Rubicon! There was no going
back now, and every step from here will be a victory. So my message to you is that
you should never let fear hold you back. Share your truth, because there is always
somebody out there who needs to hear it.
Telling My Story
Through writing on social media, I could finally let my ‘voice’ be heard. I chose to
become the voice for those who didn’t have one, the voice in the darkness that can
help lead someone who needs help and guidance to the light. Soon, people caught
wind of my story. They were amazed by the part running played in it, and now they
wanted me to tell my story. I was asked to do motivational talks, but my reply was
that I couldn’t speak properly, and therefore I couldn’t do it.
It was the fear talking
and holding me back,
the same fear that made
me get lost in the dark all
those years ago. It was
now back, to trip me up
and drag me down to
the depths again. I once
referred to the frustration
of stuttering as a feeling
of being stuck in a cave
and shouting for help,
but the sound just keeps
echoing back to you
and nobody else can
hear it. And this feeling
of helpless frustration is
what I wanted to avoid
at all costs. However,
through the belief of my
circle of friends, and the
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: PJ is a former Cape Flats gangster who took up
running, and writing about it, when he turned his back on that dangerous
lifestyle in order to set a better example for his two sons. Today he is an
accomplished runner, from short distances to ultra-marathons, recently began
working in running retail, and his exceptional writing talent has opened still
more doors in his new life.
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