Modern Athlete Magazine Issue 119, June 2019 | Page 26

THE RUNNING MANN
(Although mid-marathon leg replacements may be beyond the skills of the
Mdantsane surgeons, you can pick up some spare shin bones at the side of the
road for R10 a bakkie.)
3 – Middle
Finger: Corner
turned – yet
more hill. No
respite, no end
in sight, no
flattening out.
4 – Ring Finger: Finally some
respite with a short drop, but
unfortunately this means your
‘walk the uphills’ excuses are
over and you have to start
running again. Of course you
need to pay back the capital plus
interest over one last nasty climb
up to the Sisa Dukashe Stadium.
Those who doubt my version of the route may have taken a closer glance at the
race profile and said, “but look at all the juicy downhills towards the end.” This is
like saying, “I’m going to relax and unwind with a nice gentle sports massage whilst
throwing in some acupuncture and dry-needling for extra comfort.” These weren’t
downhills, they were mineshafts that required runners to engage lowest gear – and
I was running dangerously low on brake fluid. This crash test dummy probably
should have been wearing a helmet!
The township hills of the Eastern Cape probably would have beaten me up even
if I was running on fresh legs. If this route was a boxing match, there is no doubt
that it would leave even the most hard-headed runner reeling as it delivers its final
knock-out punch. Like Balboa vs. Creed (Hollywood, 1976) I was out on feet* when
the bell rung for the final round, but the route came out swinging with another jarring
downhill plummet that displaced my internal organs and followed this up with a lethal
combination of blows over the last two kilometres – all of which landed way below the
belt and caused me to double over in pain, gasping for breath. (* One minor difference,
Rocky was looking for Adrian, I was trying not to collapse and fall down a drain.)
5 – Thumbs Up: Finally
the finish line comes into
sight.
I must say I was very
relieved to enter the
Masizakhe Children’s
Home and cross the
finish line, satisfied that
I had earned my ‘Village
Idiot’ badge. The Born2Run guys, Ernie, Jacques and Richard, arrived a short while
later, as did the Old Mutual AC crew, Bulela, Nkul’leko and Zolani.
Despite finishing at a lower altitude from where you started, this must be the
toughest 50km race in the country. I think I’ve run all South Africa’s 50km races
now, and as a point of comparison, Gijimas makes Om Die Dam look like a
little puddle! I was completely stuffed, but managed to regain some energy and
composure with a generous helping of beer and chicken wings at the Bidvest
lounge before flying home. Perfect pacing ensured I’d consumed just enough
to have a restful flight, and my main concern was to avoid sleep-drooling on the
person next to me.
Individually, Bruintjieshoogte and Real Gijimas are fantastic 50km runs, both highly
recommended, and races that I will definitely be running again. As for running
back-to-back ultras again – no way! I am glad that box is ticked, but I don’t plan a
repeat of this folly. However, as an environmentally-conscious runner who tries to
#runclean and minimise his carbon footprint, I really hope that the race organisers
don’t schedule them on the same weekend again in 2020...
Punch to the Gut
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If I had to follow this formula, I would
simply type a word that starts with ‘f’ and rhymes with ‘duck,’ and then copy and
paste it 999 times with these pics. But since my mother reads these race reports, I
will instead let the pictures tell the story of the ‘Five Finger Death Punch’ at the end
of the Real Gijimas Ultra! Here is a blow-by-blow account of the bout:
Signing out
from the Real
Gijimas Ultra
The route comes
out swinging
with one final
downhill plummet
where your
shattered legs are
pummelled into
powder.
2 – Index Finger:
With 2km to go
this is what you
have to look
forward up to.
Any guesses
what’s around the
corner?
26
ISSUE 119 JUNE 2019 / www.modernathlete.co.za
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: This is a slightly reworked version of one of Stuart’s
regular running blogs, which focus on his adventures (and sometimes
misadventures) running marathons and ultra-marathons all over South Africa,
and occasionally in other countries. He says his lifetime goal is to attract a travel
sponsor through his running blogs, so that he can run more races and share
their stories. You can read the original blogs at http://runningmann.co.za, and
follow him on social media @runningmann100.
1 – Pinky Finger: