ROAD RUNNING
A RETURN TO THE MAINSTREAM Maritzburg City Marathon , KwaZulu-Natal ( Marathon # 178 / Unique Marathon # 95 / 25 February 2018 )
If you do run into any difficulties on race morning , it would be very difficult to plead ignorance , as one receives seven pages of detailed instructions over e-mail from race director John Hall , who leaves nothing to chance . I noted that the race instructions included a few interesting words that have not been used in contemporary writing for many years , like “ tarry ” and “ muster ” – so it is highly appropriate that the race starts in Old England Road .
THE GOOD , THE BAD AND THE UGLY Old Mutual Om Die Dam 50km , Hartbeespoort Dam , North West North ( Marathon # 181 / 10th Om Die Dam / 17 March 2018 )
Once you get going it ’ s all plain sailing … until you reach Saartjies Nek at 14km . Legend has it that Saartjie was a nasty witch who now haunts the pass ( making this a real “ heks ’ nek ” as was pointed out to me by @ Chris211162 on Twitter ). For the first time since the race started in 1990 , the route was flipped , so you hit Saartjies much earlier in the race ( she was a much nastier nymph on the old route when you met her at 39km ).
The climb has always been a highlight of the race – I normally look forward to a nice long , guilt-free walk ! Water tables line the road with ‘ mop messages ’ from Saartjie . In addition to the placards in the picture , halfway up the climb you get “ Saartjie het jou ” ( Saartjie ’ s got you ) and at the top “ Saartjie sê sien jou volgende jaar ” ( Saartjie says see you next year ). When I first ran the race , Saartjie could only speak Afrikaans , but she has learnt a bit of English over the years – maybe she ’ ll also start speaking another of our 11 official languages in years to come !
THE PICK OF POLOKWANE Mall of the North Marathon , Polokwane , Limpopo ( Marathon # 184 / Unique Marathon # 99 / 7 April 2018 )
This race ’ s main sponsor is Jaguar , and Land Rover is owned by the same company . A long time ago I used to run like a Jaguar . Unfortunately , these days I run more like a Land Rover … I tend to leak almost as much , but don ’ t need to be rescued from the side of the road nearly as often ! I did , however , volunteer to do some modelling shots in front of the Jaguars to help sell a few more cars . I even offered to do a driving shot , but they weren ’ t too keen for me to sit on their shiny leather seats . Can ’ t say I blame them , I wouldn ’ t want a sweaty marathon runner stinking up my fancy new cars !
In upcoming editions we will feature more of Stuart ’ s unique take on all things running , but if you would like to check out his full blogs , go to http :// runningmann . co . za , or follow him on social media : @ runningmann100 .
THE FASTEST ULTRA IN AFRICA Uniwisp Fast 50 , Nelspruit , Mpumalanga ( Marathon # 179 / Unique Marathon # 96 / 3 March 2018 )
After about 8km I realised that I had forgotten the lubricant , and by this stage , I had worked up a good sweat under the hot Lowveld sun . Although my legs were still fresh , I realised that I was starting to ‘ wear out ’ where the sun don ’ t shine ( a bit like rusty steel wool scouring exquisite porcelain ). I knew that I had to make a plan fast , or I would be spending the rest of the weekend walking around like John Wayne !
As luck would have it , the Van Heerden Pharmacy table was around the next corner and had a full medical kit available . As I approached , a kind lady noted the desperate look on my face and politely asked if I needed any help . Whilst simultaneously grabbing hold of a giant tub of Vaseline , I politely declined her kind offer and said I would self-medicate ( much to her relief , as she realised the nature of my distress ).
A LOVE LETTER TO MY FAVOURITE ULTRA Old Mutual Two Oceans Marathon , Cape Town , Western Province ( Marathon # 183 / 16th Two Oceans / 31 March 2018 )
South Africa hosts the two biggest ( and greatest ) ultra marathons in the world : Two Oceans and Comrades . I ’ ve been asked many times about the difference between the two . My philosophical view is that if you are a teenager in love , Two Oceans is the sweet , charming , beautiful girl that you should marry . Comrades is the girl that ’ s way out of your league , but is malevolent enough to string you along , making you think you have a chance , only to break your heart ( and your body ) after crushing your spirit and ripping out your soul .
Growing up in Cape Town , Two Oceans was my “ girl next door ” – and it was as a teenager that I fell in love with her . I had just started high school at Rondebosch Boys and they asked for volunteers to hold up kilometre boards over the first 15km and man ( or in my case “ boy ”) the last support table on the route . This seemed like a really good idea , since I could support my Dad ( The Old Running Mann ) and we were told we could drink as much Coca-Cola as we liked on the day . In future years , Rustenburg Girls School were invited to partner us at the table , which made the proposition even more attractive !
WHERE THE HILLS HAVE NO NAME Jackie Gibson Marathon , Johannesburg , Central Gauteng ( Marathon # 185 / 3rd Jackie Gibson / 15 April 2018 )
We got going on a bitterly cold Joburg morning , but the warm tops were quickly removed as we hit the first hill . I asked local runners and support table personnel what some of the many hills were called , but they all seemed to be nameless . When I checked with race director Cathy Munn after the race , she responded to my question with “ Nothing official for the hills .” This is a race with so many hills no one has bothered to name them yet ! In the absence of official titles , most runners seemed to resort to the very simple naming convention of AFH – where A is for Another , H is for Hill and F can be filled with the adjective of your choice . Unfortunately , marathon runners are not particularly imaginative , and there seemed to be a lot of duplication with the choice of ‘ F word ’ used to describe each hill …
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