Personal Safety
Boundaries and Self-worth By Mark Grobbelaar
Do you know where your ‘ line in the sand ’ is , that point when you say , so far and no further ? When it comes to a moment of danger , you need to focus on that .
In recent columns , I have written about various layers of safety , and how the more layers you have the less attractive you are to would-be criminals . Following on from those columns , I would like to continue by chatting about what I feel is probably the most important layer , before one gets to physical techniques , which are an absolute last resort . Self-worth is a commitment to yourself , it is the sense of one ’ s own value ; it is the knowledge that you will not allow yourself or your loved ones to be placed in harm ’ s way .
When you are dealing with a potential assailant , you must remember that you are being confronted by a self-absorbed individual who is not afraid to use violence . Therefore , start with verbal boundary enforcement , through communication . It is letting a would-be assailant know that you are aware of what is occurring , and that you are committed to doing whatever it takes to protect yourself .
This is neither about being threatening , nor bluster . It is a clear-cut message to cease and desist . This is about being assertive , not aggressive . You are doing what it takes to get the assailant out of your boundaries , but not chasing him down the street . Before you vocalise , know how far you are willing to go .
In previous columns I have also spoken about choice – knowing what your options are , and that there are only three , and knowing what you are capable of and what not . It ’ s about rather leaving , i . e . walking away from , a situation if you can , and if you can ’ t , doing whatever you do need to switch ( put ) your assailant off .
Where is Your Line ?
The thing is , all of that really means nothing if you have no self-worth and no boundaries though . So , ask yourself a few questions … Where is your line in the sand ? When do you say this far , and no further ? When do you make a decision ? Or do you wait for someone to make that decision for you ?
Picture this : You are out and about , and you find yourself in a situation where something feels wrong , something is out of place , but you don ’ t quite know what it is . You ’ ve arrived at that line in the sand , so what do you do ? What you should do is leave , because when something feels wrong , it normally is wrong .
However , you may say to yourself , “ No I ’ m being silly , I ’ m imagining things . I ’ m being oversensitive . I don ’ t want to cause a scene .” That ’ s you stepping over that ‘ line ’ and making another one , saying to yourself : “ Let me first see what happens , then I ’ ll make a decision .” And usually the situation escalates , and you arrive at the second line in the sand … and even then you may say : “ It ’ s not as bad as it looks .” So you step over that line , and make another . Do you see what is happening ? You are changing the rules as you go . When something feels wrong , it is wrong … leave !
Next minute , all hell breaks loose , and what you have been sensing all along happens . If you are fortunate enough to survive this , you will probably end up telling everyone : “ I knew something was wrong .” My question to you then is : “ What the hell were you still doing there ?”
Hold Your Line
If you can ’ t leave , there are only two things left : You can “ fight ”, or you can do nothing . Doing nothing as a choice versus doing nothing because you don ’ t know what else you can do , are two completely different scenarios . So value your self-worth , know where your line in the sand is , and don ’ t move it .
Mark Grobbelaar is the founder of INpowered , incorporating WIP ( Woman INpowered ) and GRIP ( Guy Responsibly INpowered ), an organisation dedicated to giving people the essential tools to protect themselves . Mark holds a sixth dan in karate , and is also an avid runner and cyclist . He hosts INpowered programmes for corporates , schools and small groups . More info at www . inpowered . co . za .
Images : Vecteezy
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