Relationships
Healthy Relationships Take Effort
By Paula Quinsee
We tend to get caught up in the romantic notion of living “ happily ever after ,” but we seldom stop and really look at the key contributing factors to building a healthy relationship with our partner .
When it comes to our relationships , we don ’ t think of the word contribution , as we often only talk about compromise . But contribution talks to our deep human need to add value , make a difference , be of service , and live with purpose . When we are clear on the expectations we have of our partner and our relationship , it can be a win-win all round .
Being in a relationship requires a hands-on approach by both partners , supporting and sharing the responsibilities that come with having careers , raising a family , financial commitments and more , all while keeping each other and your relationship a priority . It ’ s about moving from ME to how do WE create the lifestyle and relationship we want and desire .
Competence to be a Partner
We often question whether we are good enough in terms of being competent at our jobs , or being a good parent , but very few question what competence they need to be a husband , wife or life partner . It boils down to intentionally developing the relational skills , knowledge and capabilities needed to be effective in building a healthy , satisfying relationship – and not only for today , but also to future-proof it for what tomorrow may bring .
Unfortunately , we seldom invest in these skills . Some may do pre-marital counselling as a leadup to their wedding day , but sadly , others will only seek help once their relationship has hit a rocky patch . If you want to have a successful relationship , then be intentional about building these skills , and how you apply them every day in small ways to lift your relationship up , instead of tearing it and each other down .
Creating Connection
Connection is fundamentally about feeling close to your partner , feeling safe to be vulnerable , feeling supported , validated , appreciated , that you have each other ’ s backs and so much more . Building connection in your relationship comes from growing together as a couple as your relationship evolves . It can come from expanding and deepening your communication , being able to resolve conflict effectively , making time for each other , and being fully present for each other .
Confidence in Your Relationship
Being confident is something that comes with growth and experience . It ’ s being willing to feel good about yourself , comfortable in your own skin , and able to be yourself around your partner and within your relationship . A lack of confidence can cause conflict in a relationship , as it can lead to jealousy , insecurity , controlling behaviour , self-esteem issues , and more . Building confidence in each other and your relationship requires healthy boundaries , being aligned and on the same page , being willing to be vulnerable , and sharing your needs with your partner , so that they know how to be there for you .
Challenging Relationships
Every relationship has its challenges – expect it and embrace it as part of your journey with each other . But when you help each other step up , step out and step into new situations that stretch each other , beyond what you know or can do , you step into that space where learning and growth happens . This is what builds a strong foundation for your relationship .
Being able to resolve conflict effectively , being able to communicate about the tough things , and still stand by each other through the tough times … This is what gets you through to the other side . Sadly , though , many couples give up when the going gets tough .
Content in Your Relationship
This idea might seem foreign , but it ’ s something that is desired by many couples out there . The last two years have had us all reevaluating our lives , our priorities and our relationships . We ’ re all looking for greater meaning , satisfaction and balance , and when couples can work with each other to find these things , they create a life and relationship that feels good , happy and fulfilling .
The key here is to not let contentment become complacency , as that is when things slowly start to fall apart without us even realising it . Never take each other for granted , never stop appreciating each other , never stop looking for the positive in each other and your relationship , and never ever let other things become a priority over your relationship and each other .
Paula Quinsee is the founder of Engaged Humans , facilitating connection between men , women and couples . She is a certified Imago Relationship Therapy Educator and Facilitator , NLP Practitioner , PDA Analyst , coach and trainer . She has authored two self-help guides : Embracing Conflict and Embracing No , as is an international speaker , advocate for mental health and activist for gender-based violence . More info at www . engagedhumans . com .
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