Mission Beautiful Australia {MBA} Magazine MBA Issue 1 March. 2014 | Page 50

30 RED
FLAGS OF A

YOU CAN BE THE
PERFECT PARTNER
AND NOTHING WOULD
CHANGE HOW YOU ARE
TREATED

AUTHOR FROM THE BOOK: HTTP://BOOK.
PSYCHOPATHFREE.COM
PHOTOGRAPHY: AMYLEE

MANIPULATIVE

OR ABUSIVE PARTNER
T

here are a lot of phenomenal studies on
the traits and characteristics of psychopaths.
For professional research,
check out Cleckley’s criteria
or Hare’s psychopathy
checklist. A quick Google
search ought to do the trick.
The red flags in this book
are intended to supplement
those resources. So what’s
different about this list?
Well, for one, it’s specifically
about relationships. But it’s
also about you. Each point
requires introspection and
self-awareness. Because if
you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely
on their behavior—that’s
only half the battle. You must

also come to recognize the
looming red flags in your
own heart. Then, you will be
ready for anything.
. You feel on-edge
around this person,
but you still want them
to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their
questionable behavior as
accidental or insensitive,
because you’re in constant
competition with others for
their attention and praise.
They don’t seem to care
when you leave their side—
they can just as easily move
on to the next source of
energy.

1

2

. Uses sex as a tool
for control. After first
hooking you with sexual praise and flattery, they
suddenly become reclusive
and uninterested. They make
you feel desperate, ensuring
that you are always the one
to initiate physical intimacy.
They use insulting names
like “whore” and “slut” to
drive this point home. They
might also openly comment
on their diminishing sex
drive.
. Plasters your Facebook page with
compliments, flattery,
songs, and poems. They text
you dozens, if not hundreds
of times per day. You come
to rely on this over-com-

3

FROM THE AUTHOR
You will find that normal, loving people do
not raise any of these flags. After an encounter with a psychopath, most survivors
face the struggle of hypervigilance: who
can really be trusted? Your gauge will swing
back and forth for a while, like a volatile
pendulum. You will wonder if you’ve gone

50

MBA

absolutely mad—wanting to believe the best
in an old friend or a new date, but feeling
sick to the stomach when you actually spend
time with them.
Developing your intuition is a personal
process, but I would leave you with this:
the world is mostly full of good people, and

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you don’t want to miss out on that because
you’ve been hurt. Spend some time getting
in touch with your feelings. Keep tweaking
until you find a comfortable balance of
awareness and trust. Look within and
understand why you felt the way you did.
You will discover that many old relationships

may need revisiting. And as you begin to
abandon toxic patterns, healthier ones will
inevitably appear in their place.
To quote a longtime member & friend, Phoenix, you will stop asking “Do they like me?”
and start asking “Do I like them?”

To quote a longtime member & friend,
Phoenix, you will stop asking “Do they
like me?”and start asking “Do I like them?”
5. Compares you to everyone
else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends,
family members, and your eventual
replacement. When idealizing, they
make you feel special by telling
you how much better you are than
these people. When devaluing,
they use these comparisons to hurt
you.
6. Lies & excuses. There is always
an excuse for everything, even
things that don’t require excusing.
They make up lies faster than
you can question them. They will
always blame others—it is never
their fault. They spend more time
rationalizing their behavior than
improving it.
7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry
where there otherwise should be.
They are also very easily bored by
the familiar. You write this off as
calm and cool, often feeling inferior
and over-sensitive because you
have normal human emotions.
8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks

when you try to express yourself.
Teasing becomes the primary
mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your
intelligence and achievements.
If you point this out, they call you
hypersensitive and crazy.
9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while
maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of
their attention on you, but now they
post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place
in their heart. They bait previously
denounced exes with old songs
and inside jokes. They attend to
new activity and ignores yours.
10. You find yourself playing
detective. It’s never happened in
any other relationship, but suddenly you’re scrolling back years on
their Facebook page and albums.
Same with their ex. You’re seeking
answers to a feeling you can’t quite
explain.
11. Surrounds themselves with
former lovers and potential mates.
Brags that their exes still want to

sleep with him/her, but assures you
there is nothing to worry about.
These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that
your partner is in high-demand.
12. Hyperbolizes emotions while
displaying none of them. They
make passionate statements like
“I’ve never felt so happy in my
life” in a completely robotic voice.
It sounds like an alien trying to
explain how they imagine human
emotions mi v