UNEPECTED TURN
It was Valentine’s Day and while we didn’t
particularly cared about it (I acted like I didn’t care and he knew it). Carlos always did
something nice for me. I was disappointed
however to find out that Carlos had to work,
one of his coworkers had called in sick so
Carlos offered to go. He had a kind heart like
that. Carlos should have been home at six,
so I had cooked his favorite dinner and put
on the things he favorited to see on me. It
was nearing seven when I started to worry. At
eight I was freaking out. At nine I was ready
to pass out was it not for my best friend who
came to see me after my freak out at eight.
THE PHONE CALL
At 12 minutes till ten, the phone rang. I couldn’t pick up, I knew this wasn’t going to be
Carlos saying he got stuck in traffic. I knew
and I hated that I did, I hate that I couldn’t
believe it was him because I needed that so
hard. I needed something to hold onto, even
if it was fake.
I wish I could have been strong enough to
answer the phone, to hear for myself that Carlos had died in a car accident, that he died
instantly and that he didn’t feel any pain. But
I wasn’t so strong, so I heard it from Cristina.
I wish I could have been strong enough to
finish my speech for him at his funeral, but I
wasn’t so my mother finished it for me. I wish
I could have been strong enough to pick a
text for his gravestone, but I wasn’t so his best
friend picked it. I wish I was strong enough to
visit his grave, and cover it in flowers, but I’m
not so our friends do it for me.
I wish I could be stronger, for me, for him. I try.
I go to a support meeting every week, I am
going to try to visit his grave next Valentine’s
Day. ■