Mind Magazine July 2017 Mind Magazine July 2017 | Page 8

Real-life inspiration
I thought that, when I finally
came out, all my mental health
issues would be behind me, but
of course that didn’t happen.
‘Every time it happened I said
to myself, “This is the last
time, I’m not going back that
low again”. But of course, it
doesn’t work that way.
‘The loneliness of the
depression was gut-wrenching,’
he remembers. ‘You have a
void that nothing can fill.’
Getting a diagnosis
Finally, Jaabir’s GP sent him
for a formal assessment
with the mental health
crisis team, and his BPD
was diagnosed. ‘On one
hand, I found it a great
relief,’ he says, ‘because the
pattern I’d been in could be
explained and maybe I could
get treatment to deal with it
on a long-term basis.
‘But, on the other hand, I
felt quite disempowered –
how limited was I going to
8 Mind Magazine
be? Was this just how I’d
always feel; was this just
me now? And the name
makes you feel that there’s
something inherently wrong
with your personality.’
Digging deep
Jaabir also found that
getting the diagnosis was
only the beginning of a
longer process, and there
were deep-rooted issues
in his life he was going to
have to address.
‘Problems with my identity
have always been mixed
in with the mental health
issues – I’ve been hiding
the fact that I’m gay all my
life, until just a few years
ago. I thought that, when
I finally came out, all my
mental health issues would
be behind me, but of course
that didn’t happen.