ing the frontal region, which handles
planning and executive function and
develops into their early 20’s,” says
Dr. Mailutha. “Creative play allows
kids to draw on memories embed-
ded in other parts of the brain, and
activates the parts of the brain that
regulate emotion and planning.”
Compare this to what happens
when they play video games or occu-
py themselves on social media. “This
activates the reward center of the
brain that has to do with pleasure-
seeking,” she says. “You don’t want
kids constantly at this high-stimula-
tion place, where they’re less engaged
and more passive.”
Embrace the unplanned
So why do we parents so often
treat childhood boredom like a
bug we need to inoculate our kids
against, with extra lessons, sports and
other organized activities? Possibly,
because our culture puts a big premi-
um on being busy, and we want them
to succeed in a competitive world.
The debate over the ratio of instruc-
tional versus play time is being waged
in some state public school systems.
In mid-August, Gov. Phil Murphy
signed a bill mandating a 20-minute
daily recess for elementary school
kids (Gov. Chris Christie vetoed a
similar bill in 2016).
But Nancy Kislin, a Chatham psy-
chotherapist who lives in Short Hills,
says that by giving up their kids’
downtime in favor of constant enrich-
ment activities, parents make it hard-
er for them to figure out where their
real interests lie. “I say, ‘Yes, I know
your child loves ballet, horse-riding
and gymnastics, and that they go to
Kumon three times a week, but she
needs downtime,” she says. “We have
to slow everything down, and make
sure we’re putting as much emphasis
on ‘Who is this child?’”
It may be tempting to answer your
kid’s whine of “I’m bored!” with a
comeback like “You’re bored? I’m
Mom” (if you’re looking for one-
liners like that, the Internet is full
of them). But when they say “I’m
bored,” they may just be signaling
GET CREATIVE Puzzles and other thought-provoking activities allow children to use parts of their
brain that regulate emotion and planning.
SHOW THAT YOU CAN GO
DEVICE-FREE As with most other
aspects of being a parent, your
example speaks volumes. “Many kids
are tuned into the fact that Mom and
Dad are tuned out to them,” says
Kislin. “I used to take my girls to the
grocery store when they were young
and pick up a magazine to show
them a picture and interact with
them. When we pick up that phone,
we’re gone. To me, that means so
many missed opportunities.” Try
sitting out on the porch with them
— without your iPhone — or go on a
meandering walk, with no other goal
than to be together.
MAKING FRIENDS When kids go outdoors,
it’s easier for them to find others for fun
activities and games,
that they don’t know how to engage
themselves. With a little guidance,
they can come up with their own
solutions. Some tactics to keep in
mind include:
PROVIDING OPTIONS When you
and your child have some downtime,
make a list of activities he enjoys
doing — puzzles, horseshoes, art
supplies — go out together, and let
him pick them out. Put them in a box
to be opened in case of a boredom
emergency.
SEND THEM OUTSIDE Kids don’t
roam around the block looking for
buddies the way they used to, but if
your child is out on the front lawn
tossing a ball up and down or to a
sibling, neighbors are more likely to
find and join them.
GO WITH THEIR FLOW Leave
out boxes, tape, markers, tarps and
rope and see what your kids do with
them, even if experimenting to find
the right project leads to a mess. It
is worth it, though, says one mom,
who adds, “If my kids still say they’re
bored, I tell them ‘There is an amaz-
ing chore list to choose from!’” ■
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