MENTAL HEALTH AND OUR FAMILIES
IN EVERY ISSUE
By Dr . Marian Swindell Contributing Columnist
I
have two teenage boys .
They seem pretty happy , resilient , upbeat . Of course , I pay attention to them , as most good parents do . However , I am trained in observing specific behaviors that may indicate a struggle in the challenge in mental health and wellness . The National Alliance on Mental Illness ( NAMI ) reports 1 in 5 teens , ages 13-18 , will experience a mental health condition . Talking with teens is not always comfortable , but parents have to have uncomfortable conversations with children — it is our duty . The purpose of this article is to provide a few immediate , quick tips to get the ball rolling on conversations with teens about mental health .
• KISS ( Keep it Short and Simple ): Directly ask how your teen is doing in a meaningful way . Do not ask when they just got home from school and are
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trying to eat a snack and get started on their homework . Ask during a sit-down dinner , with the TV off and cell phones put away . Ask at night , the last thing , as you tell them good night . Children , and teenagers , need to know their parents are honed in on their happiness and well-being . Let them know . Tell them you care and that you love them .
• Avoid shallow nothingness replies : “ Tomorrow will be better ,” and “ it will be OK ,” and “ chin up ” are empty , shallow responses that do not help when a person is struggling . Tomorrow is not always better , and things do not always work out . Teenage mental illness is complex and complicated , because as parents , we may assume a bad mood is due to hormones and brush it off . Teenage mental illness does not have to be complicated . When your teen decides to open up a little and share what is troubling him or her , respond with active listening affirmations , such as “ I am glad you shared your feelings with me , and I am proud of you ” or “ I know school is hard right now , but you are doing your very best , I am proud of you . I am here for you every step of the way .”
• Google is not your therapist : Googling symptoms like “ daughter won ’ t talk to me ; stays in the bedroom for five days ” is not going to help your teenage daughter . There is a fine line between teenage hormones , moodiness , and mental illness . Parents have to understand the location of that fine line . Millions of teens have mental illness and many are unaware of what is happening because there are so many more obvious changes going on in their bodies . If a teen does open up to you , try to get as much information as possible without seeming overly nosy . Then talk with friends who have teenagers as well and talk with church youth group leaders .
• Mental illness does not define someone : Just because someone has depression does not mean that their life is sad and they are sad all the time . There can be minutes and hours of hope and laughter in a person ’ s life who has been diagnosed with depression . They feel sad , and then they desperately try to forget about the sadness and move on . Talk with teenagers about other things , plans for summer work , favorite vacation spots , favorite shows , ask to listen to their playlist , whatever … anything . Let them know they have other things going on in their life besides their mental illness . While talking about mental health may be awkward , it does not have to be . Be genuine in your approach and do your part in erasing the stigma that surrounds mental illness . A parent ’ s duty is not only to recognize the stressors in our children ’ s lives and the battles they face , but to help them survive the battles and come out victorious on the other side .
• Adults : Adults are not immune to mental illness either . The Pandemic , COVID , Delta , Omicron , presidential election , election fraud , George Floyd , BLM , White Privilege , Critical Race Theory , COVID deaths , Russia Ukraine , January 6th Attack on the Capital , Insurrection , vaccination mandates , stimulus checks , businesses shutting down , evictions , mask-wearing-no mask-wearing , Derek Chavin , abortion rights , gas prices going up , climate change , Afghanistan exit , battle of the ballot … the list of stressful events that adults have had to overcome this past year has been staggering .
Many adults are just burned out , worn out , stressed , just trying to keep moving forward . I had to stop watching the news . My blood pressure would spike like Mount Everest during World News Tonight and sometimes even with the local news , so I finally just stopped watching . I figure if the world is coming to an end , someone somewhere will surely tell me . So adults … I understand . I hear you . I would ask you to reach out . Reach out to professionals in this community trained in crisis intervention , trauma , stress reduction , mental health , and mental wellness . Talk with a counselor , a therapist , a psychologist , a minister . There is no need to suffer in silence .
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me . Philippians 4:13
• Marian Swindell is Interim Social Work Program Director and Associate Professor of Social Work at Mississippi State University , Meridian .
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