In Every Issue
For readers who have never been married , are thinking of getting married one day or are planning a wedding , this article is meant for you .
“ What ’ s there to be stressed about ?” one may ask . According to both bride and groom wedding planning survivalists , the following events can be found on the stress / traumatizing spectrum : buying the engagement ring , planning the proposal , locking down “ the date ,” locking down the venue , ordering the flowers , selecting the invitations , wedding cake selection ( apparently this involves tasting lots of different cake choices ), ordering and paying for the cake , choosing a wedding dress , choosing bridesmaids dresses , choosing groom ’ s tuxedo or suit ( or boots — this is Mississippi ), choosing the wedding reception foods or caterer and the budget , choosing the wedding music and performer , choosing wedding table decorations , choosing time of day of service , asking someone to perform the service on the date selected ( see stress
“ The most beautiful and stressful parts of planning a wedding are the days , months , and years following the service . That ’ s when the beauty of marriage and family really begins .”
Marian Swindell
step # 3 ), making a list of all friends and relatives to send the invitations to , finding the addresses of all friends and relatives of said invitation list , keeping track of RSVP ’ s and who is having the chicken or fish or steak , choosing the flower girl and ring bearer , church decorations , candles or no candles , transportation to the venue …. and the list goes on and on and on . I had a panic attack just writing the list and I ’ m not even engaged , much less married .
For the couples embarking down the path of “ love and marriage ,” there are indeed ways to de-stress wedding planning :
• Destress your wedding planning by hiring a wedding planner who will take all this stress off your shoulders . If you can ’ t afford a wedding planner .
• Reach out to true friends with whom you have healthy relationships and who live the life you and your mate aspire , too .
• Delegate a family member or friend to handle certain responsibilities .
• Reach out to women in your church or faith support group and ask for help .
I ’ ve planned three weddings in my life and the planning itself was a success . The weddings were successes . But … Planning the wedding day is the easy part .
Yes , I know . I just listed all these things that are stressful . Yes . But the most stressful part of planning a wedding is the easiest day in a marriage . Remember that while planning a wedding is just the first step in planning a marriage . The big picture is not the wedding day and all its trappings . The big picture is the marriage . So many married women I ’ ve talked with don ’ t even remember their wedding day — they say it was all a haze . And that is sad . The most beautiful and stressful parts of planning a wedding are the days , months , and years following the service . That ’ s when the beauty of marriage and family really begins . Perspective . Spend more time planning for the marriage , than the wedding day . And most importantly , decades of research show that keeping God , front and center in a marriage , is the most statistically significant protective factor for a long-lasting and happy marriage . That being said , here are just a few scriptures to help remember the importance of faith and God in the marriage :
1 Peter 3:7 : “ In the same way , you husbands must give honor to your wives . Treat your wife with understanding as you live together . She may be weaker than you are , but she is your equal partner in God ’ s gift of new life . Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered .”
Ephesians 5:25 : “ For husbands , this means love your wives , just as Christ loved the church . He gave up his life for her .”
Ecclesiastes 4:9 : “ Two are better than one , because they have a good return for their labor : If either of them falls down , one can help the other up . But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up . Also , if two lie down together , they will keep warm . But how can one keep warm alone ?”
Mark 10:9 : “ Therefore what God has joined together , let no one separate .”
Ephesians 5:25-33 : “ Husbands , love your wives , as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her , that he might sanctify her , having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word , so that he might present the church to himself in splendor , without spot or wrinkle or any such thing , that she might be holy and without blemish . In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies . He who loves his wife loves himself .
Proverbs 30:18-19 : “ There are three things that amaze me — no , four things that I don ’ t understand : how an eagle glides through the sky , how a snake slithers on a rock , how a ship navigates the ocean , how a man loves a woman .”
Ecclesiastes 4:12 : “ Though one may be overpowered , two can defend themselves . A cord of three strands is not quickly broken .”
Don ’ t miss the forest for the trees . Don ’ t let the stress of planning the wedding take away from the miracle of your marriage .
• Marian Swindell is Interim Social Work Program Director and Associate Professor of Social Work at Mississippi State University , Meridian . www . meridianstar . com
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