In Every Issue
Children and weddings
Should you allow children at your wedding ?
By Shani Hay Contributing Columnist
As we recover from the holidays , both mentally and financially , and begin to move into spring – for many couples , this is wedding planning season .
Summer and early fall are the most popular times for weddings . Roughly 15 percent of weddings will take place in the month of June although it varies from year to year . According to The Real Wedding survey on TheKnot . com , May through October will host 73 % of weddings in the United States .
Once the month is set its time to plan for guests and one of the biggest challenges that wedding planners face is children ! There are usually two camps . In one corner , you have the pro children model that love the adventure and variety that kids can add to an event . Their energy and spontaneity are considered fun by these types . In the other corner , you have those that see kids as little party crashers who have the potential to ruin the ceremony with their vocal outbursts and rambunctious behavior .
The generally accepted rule for weddings is that children , especially those younger than 6 years old , can be distracting but it really depends on the relationship the marrying
Hay couple have with the child . When the couple has a special relationship with a child , it is acceptable to include a child of any age .
According to child development specialists , by age 6 , children have friendships and can begin to understand why people get married . The best age for a child to begin attending weddings is when they show an interest by asking questions and saying that they want to come .
Outdoor weddings were once considered less formal and therefore more child-friendly , but that is no longer the case . Outdoor weddings have the benefit of the open spaces where the noise of a crying child will not be as intense as with indoor acoustics . However , the outdoors can bring other distractions for children such as insects and open spaces for running . Children ’ s maturity level and behavior , rather than age , should be used to decide whether they can attend the wedding . If the child can successfully and consistently , meaning more than three times , sit through a church service or other hour-long event without a fuss , chances are that child is ready for a wedding .
Jennifer Russell , Extension child and family area agent in Leflore County , suggested it would be best to leave children at home with a sitter if parents are unsure whether children are welcome .
“ This day is about the bride and groom , and it is not about the guests ,” Russell said . “ It would be difficult to tactfully ask if children are welcome , because many hosts would not have the heart to tell someone their children are not welcome at the event .”
Unless a formal invitation is addressed to the parents “ and family ,” guests should not assume it is OK to bring children . If the question must be raised , consider posing it to the wedding planner or mother of the bride or groom . According to popular opinion of wedding planners , if you are worried about a disruption from your child , respect the couple and do not bring the child . It is a special day for them , and you would not want to cause a disruption and stolen attention .
Another solution for small children at a wedding is on-site childcare that can be provided to help parents , especially ones who might be coming from out of town . Visitors to the area may not have an option of leaving a child at home with a sitter so providing an on-site childcare option for families with small children can help tremendously . Russell suggested that many churches have a nursery or a room to entertain children .
“ Although the day is primarily for the bride and groom , parents of young children would be able to enjoy themselves and not have the worry of tending to small children during the ceremony or reception .” said Russell .
Wedding planners can ask the church coordinator to recommend a staff member who could be paid for three to four hours to care for children during the wedding and reception . This eliminates so much stress for couples who want to be a part of your special day but also have small children to take into consideration .
“ This would allow the couple to accommodate those who have come so far to share in their day ,” Russell said . “ If the couple can afford it , it is a small price to pay to have those they love with them on one of the most important days of their lives .”
When all parties involved are respectful , kind , and tactful , the issue of whether to bring children to a wedding will not be a problem . Clear communication with guests and planners and realistic expectations of children are keys to a successful event .
• Shani Hay is an agent with the Mississippi State University- Extension Service , Lauderdale County . You may contact her by email at smh964 @ msstate . edu or by calling 601-482-9764 .
46 • MERIDIAN HOME & STYLE