This was one of the later responses. I had given up on the set of questions and instead, only discussed the premise of the zine.
I had my heart broken by multiple people but the one that had the most impact was by one person.
It was by my father.
After being in denial of the type of person he was, I faced my fears and let go of my rose-tinted lenses; I had to dispose all the excuses I created to justify his actions and the myths I made to fill in the blanks to create my father whole.
At the time, I spoke to him regularly. Our relationship fluctuated throughout the years, with varying highs and lows. I felt obligated to speak to him because he was my father, but each time, it never filled the void I so desperately needed.
I reviewed my life and had several realizations of the type of person he is. I took a trip to visit him one summer to either dispel or reinforce whatever I conjured up in my mind. I spoke to several family members about my discontent. They understood and even gave me more insight that reinforced my view of him.
It's difficult to speak of him in a negative light because at the end of the day, he is my father, however, that does not negate the fact that over the course of my lifetime, he has done nothing for me.
He's a person who lives in fantasy.
He's a person who lives in the future and never in the present.
He lead me to believe that he works to give me a future when he was never there for me in the present.
He grieved missed times, but never enjoyed the current moment.
I found out the circumstance of my birth around the same time. When I was born, he, an idealistic person, was not ready to step up and be my father until certain criterias were met. He was not willing to even claim me as his own. I felt betrayed. I felt fooled.
He's clever. Growing up, I idolized him, maybe because he was so absent. I never actually knew my father, so I used remnants of him to create the father I wanted.
One day I confronted him about the past. That week, I had made the decision to cut him out of my life until he had changed. I needed, wanted a father, not a friend. Someone that supports me and not mold me into what he wanted me to be. I did not want to be manipulated any longer.