Guest Column

Being a good doctor and father doesn’ t have to be mutually exclusive, as Prof Bruce Robinson, who set up The Fathering Project in 2002, points out.

I remembered him as a kind and compassionate man who was loved by everyone. We all thought of him as a bit of a saint, someone who’ d be a fantastic person to have as a father. Just as I finished enthusing about his fine qualities and how we always had time for others, his daughter became quite angry. She said,‘ well he never had time for us!’ She went on to tell me how he put all his energy into his medical practice, neglected the emotional needs of his own children which led them to resent his work as a doctor.

I’ m sure this man didn’ t set out with the intention of working too hard and neglecting his children. I think he made three common mistakes that we, as‘ medical fathers’ are often prone to make.

Too much work – basically, he didn’ t know when or how to stop! It’ s easy to slip into two seemingly contradictory traps with medicine: a feeling of powerlessness amidst all that complexity and ascribing far greater importance to it than it actually warrants.

So many times I’ ve heard doctors say, when they’ re reflecting on their early years in medicine,‘ I’ m supposed to be intelligent, so how did I ever let that happen to me?’

Too much energy – work took just about all he had! Consequently, there wasn’ t much left when he got back home. He relied on his wife to meet the needs of the children, and that’ s something I’ ve struggled with as well. It’ s absolutely vital to get home at the end of the day with a bit of‘ petrol in the tank’. Interestingly, doctors who engage with their children become more productive, more optimistic and much more likely to rise to the professional challenges inherent in medicine.

Work versus Family – in the end, his work as a doctor was seen by his children as the‘ enemy’ in relation to being a good father.

It is possible to make your work a‘ friend’ within a family environment. In my book, Fathering from the Fast Lane I talk about ways to make this happen. An example? Take one of your children to a conference – it’ s brilliantly successful.

Being a good father makes a difference! Children of‘ absent’ fathers – emotionally and geographically – are more likely to perform poorly both at school and in their personal lives. That’ s one reason we established the Fathering Project at UWA – to remind fathers that they’ re vitally important to their own children. They also have a role to play as‘ father figures’ to other young people and to pass on things that work well to other men.

www. thefatheringproject. org. �

Tips for Fathers

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