May 2021 | Page 118

Nor are the stories we tell ourselves about the world . While cooking has had the surprising and wonderful effect of making me more appreciative of my favorite restaurants , it ’ s also de-mystified them . Some of my most exciting moments in the COVID kitchen were when I attempted dishes that , for some reason , I thought that only restaurants had a license to make , like coconut shrimp or French fries . These were dishes that seemed too difficult or unwieldy to make at home or involved certain aspects that scared me off : a razorsharp shucking knife aimed at my palm , a pot of bubbling frying oil . But then , I simply tried them , and the walls that I had assumed loomed around me turned out to be nothing but air . What other rules am I heeding that never existed ?

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A s I write this , it ’ s hard to avoid thinking about how trivial my story is . While I tinkered in the kitchen , thousands of Rhode Islanders — mothers , fathers , grandparents , siblings , aunts , uncles , cousins — lost their lives to COVID-19 . Thousands more fell ill or were caught in one of the cascading crises that followed the pandemic : job losses , business closures , child care routines disrupted , loneliness , depression . Given my interest in culinary matters , one statistic from 2020 remains seared in my mind : a report from the Rhode Island Community Food Bank that one in four households in the state had lacked adequate food in the previous year . My story is impossibly small in comparison to these . And one of the distinct feelings of my pandemic experience was a sense of searching for a proper response to the suffering happening around me , over which I had so little control . What is a humane and proper response to the loss of twenty Rhode Islanders , or 4,000 Americans , in a single day ? What does being a good citizen , neighbor , community member and human being look like in times ? I want to enter the mix of horror , helplessness , isolation and dread that I felt into the record . I ’ m guessing I ’ m not the only one .

To be sure , I tried to be useful when I could . I donated to a GoFundMe campaign that delivered food for frontline medical workers from local restaurants .

116 RHODE ISLAND MONTHLY l MAY 2021