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( Not ) At Your Service
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guidelines cap indoor dining at 75 percent capacity with two households per table indoors and three households for outdoor dining . Guests are required to wear masks when not seated at a table and maintain six feet of distance between other patrons . Yet servers , who are always masked , approach tables where unmasked patrons are dining and handle their dirty dishes and cups while enforcing regulations for guests while in the restaurant .
The whole situation pushed Rhody Roots co-owner Cassandra Brimmer over the edge . She says she ’ s constantly worried about how her staff is going to make rent and take care of their families with reduced income from capacity limits and reduced customer enthusiasm for dining out in the first place .
“ Not only have we made the changes that have been mandated inside the restaurant , but we ’ re also in charge of enforcing things and we ’ re not getting paid for that ,” Brimmer says . “ We have had to police people . Being in this industry is already difficult because people already view you as subservient , so when you have to add something on top of that and tell them what to do , even though it ’ s not your idea , all while trying to save your business , it ’ s really difficult .”
Brimmer says she hit rock bottom last May after adapting to the evolving Rhode Island Department of Health restaurant regulations . She and her family suffered financial difficulties due to turning to takeout only , and this , coupled with her diagnosed bipolar II disorder and preexisting trauma , took its toll . Her husband , Lou Cruz , took over all restaurant operations along with the restaurant ’ s manager , Jamie Rego , while she sought mental health treatment through Butler Hospital . They kept the place running so Brimmer could get the help she needed .
“ I couldn ’ t go into the restaurant . I literally can ’ t handle any stress . If anyone were to call and complain , I don ’ t know what I would do — cry ,” she says .
The pandemic was the final straw for her . She had been experiencing grief from prior miscarriages and she had channeled her energy into the restaurant to avoid acknowledging her issues .
“ I worked for sixteen hours a day , every day , until the restaurant was built . We ’ d do the food truck , then go to the restaurant and vice versa , and sleep wasn ’ t really a thing ,” she says .
She says she worked herself to the bone getting Rhody Roots up and running for opening in May 2019 . After suffering one miscarriage , she became pregnant again , then lost that second pregnancy in January 2020 . The coronavirus pandemic hit soon after .
“ I was like that ’ s okay , I got this , this is just going to be temporary and we ’ re going to be fine . I put a big Band-Aid over it instead of dealing with the real stuff . Eventually , it just caught up to me ,” she says . “ I was forced to deal with reality because Governor Gina Raimondo made us shut down temporarily . She made us not able to work that crazy schedule we had . I don ’ t know if it ’ s a good thing or bad thing , because it ’ s made a lot of us have to look our demons in the face and deal with them because we were stuck with ourselves .”
Last spring , while she was doing takeout and curbside pickup only , Brimmer began plotting to end her life . She says she thought she was going to lose everything she had put into the restaurant .
“ We are this culture of work ’ til you die , and I couldn ’ t do that anymore , so my only way out was suicide . I was like I can ’ t cover this up ; medicine isn ’ t working ; therapy isn ’ t working . I was very sure I ’ d never be happy again ,” she says . “ I built this new restaurant . I put every ounce of everything emotionally and fiscally into this and it ’ s now getting ripped away from me and I haven ’ t even done anything . You look at yourself and say , ‘ What could I have done differently ?’ Well , nothing .”
Brimmer sent her nine-year-old son to school that day and planned to follow through with suicide , but in a desperate , hysterical moment , she texted her therapist .
“ I was like , I can ’ t be the mom who kills herself and leaves this kid with no one ,” she says . Her therapist and mother helped get her checked into a hospital and , later , she enrolled in Butler ’ s virtual group therapy program for women over Zoom . Along with being prescribed the right medication , she says the virtual therapy has helped her immensely .
“ That program was the best thing I have ever done . I think everyone should do it ,” Brimmer says . “ It should be a high school course on how to cope with life . We are not taught that .” >>
106 RHODE ISLAND MONTHLY l MAY 2021