Maximum Yield Cannabis USA October/November 2018 | Page 84

baking a
THE
FOOL OF
MYSELF
Cookie LAdy
by Watermelon
Some childhood memories stay
with you forever...
For Watermelon, her experience with the Cookie
Lady left a lasting impression. Later on, Watermelon
realized she came from a long line of Cookie Ladies.
W
Generations of Cookie Ladies
e moved to
Kamloops, BC, when
It turns out that I come from a long line of
I was 11 so my father could
Cookie Ladies. My great-great-grandmother,
take over a military radar station
I am told, used to bake every Sunday in her
as commanding officer. 
prairie home. The family living next door were
On my first day of school I was introduced
quite poor with many children. My mother tells
to another military brat with whom I was to
me great-great-grandma would always bake
walk to school and back. Her name eludes me
an extra batch of cookies and burn them just a
now, but on one certain Friday walk home I’ll
fraction so she could offer them to the neigh-
never forget her suggestion.
bors without it looking like charity. I imagine
“We should stop at the Cookie Lady’s house.” 
the jig was up after the first few batches, but
I halted in my tracks. “The Cookie Lady?”
the sentiment remained the same. 
I asked. “Such a nice ring to that name.” 
My mother, a Cookie Lady in her own right, fed
“Yeah. She gives cookies to all the kids on
every hungry mouth who ever circled her orbit.
Fridays. Even high schoolers. You just have to
My grandmother offered hobos a hot meal in
knock on her door.”
exchange for some light labor on her farm, which
The Cookie Lady was in her 80s. I think her name
was marked by a black cat.
was Hazel. Let’s call her Hazel.
I read somewhere
She lived on my street but had
that hobos would mark
“I read somewhere that hobos
been there so long her yard was
friendly houses with a
would mark friendly houses
like a small farm surrounding a
black cat somewhere on
with a black cat somewhere
house. My house had houses on
the fence to alert other
on the fence to alert other
either side, as did all the rest.
hobos to its hospitality.
hobos to its hospitality.”
We walked up the creaking old
My grandmother said they
steps and knocked on the door. 
always knew to knock
The sweetest, happiest lady
on her door. 
appeared with a tray of fresh-baked cookies and
Once, on a military bus to god-knows-where
offered us each to take one. We gobbled them
as we were always traveling in those days, my
down right there, no breaths in between. Wiping
mother had baked muffins. Enough for the whole
the crumbs with our shirtsleeves we waved
bus. I was to walk up and down the aisle offer-
goodbye and bounded down those steps. 
ing everyone on the bus a muffin.
This went on Friday after Friday until my
“Excuse me, my mom made muffins for everyone.
family moved again. 
Would you like one?” 
For Halloween, Hazel made fresh peanut brittle
Imagine the scene: A ponytail askew on top of
and all the kids on that block were allowed to
my head. Teeth too big for the size of my face. My
eat it. I say this because it was around the
mother waving me along because I keep looking
same time one stupid razor blade showed
back sheepishly begging her to let me sit back
up in a candied apple somewhere far
down and regain some dignity. 
away from us and the whole country has
I’m over it now. Offering baked goods to strangers
been on high alert for homemade candies
is most likely a DNA trait I’ve inherited. My mother
given out to trick-or-treaters ever since.
had it, her mother had it, and so on. 
I swear it was the work of some
I often think about the Cookie Lady. It’s a feel-
confection corporation cornering the
good story. I want to be that Cookie Lady some
market on Halloween candy, running all
day. To all the Cookies Ladies out there who offer a
those little old ladies out of town who
free proverbial cookie, tethered to a greater sense
used to make them at home.
of community, I salute you. Cookie Ladies, unite!
See pg. 81 for Hazel’s
Nutty Brittle recipe.
WM Watermelon is a Vancouver-based entrepreneur who loves to tango, tell jokes, bake,
get baked, suntan nude, and host dinner parties. She has graced the cover of most
leading marijuana magazines including Maximum Yield. You can find her Baking a
Fool of Myself videos on YouTube and her backstory at maximumyield.com.
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