creativity and commonwealth , was the perfect hostess in every way . I would sit at the top of the stairs after being shooed off to bed and listen a little longer . I knew then I too wanted to throw great parties . I like to throw parties because for almost 30 years I did not have or use a computer . I worked on an old typewriter . I got my first cell phone at 35 . I used to have to go out of the house to see people . I would leave out the front door , rain or shine , and run into other people on the street , in a café or bar , at a hacky sack game in the park , etc . Without a cellphone or social profile , I made my way around comedy clubs across the country and promoted countless theatre productions with posters , newspaper ads , and word of mouth . My instincts were honed for humans . Body was my second language . I am of a generation straddling two worlds of technology . I cannot remember a time without space travel or television . Not that I was allowed to watch much TV — on the whole two channels my dad slept in front of . Nor did I care much about the guys on the moon , but I do remember a time without personal computers or cellphones , and when take-out coffee was only for truckers and cops . Some things were more civilized back then . Others , not so much . I threw my first party in Grade 4 . I had nightmares for a week before it happened . My sisters threw cool parties , but what if my party was lame ? I would be ridiculed for the rest of my life . I would be mortified . I woke up the night before frozen in my own sweat . Then my party finally commenced , and it actually went pretty well . The people I invited show up and I felt all right when Laura , my second-oldest sister , selflessly decided to loan me her strobe light , smoke machine , and Led Zeppelin albums . I slept like a baby the rest of the year . My second serious party was for Halloween in Grade 8 . My parents were supposed to be
“ I LOVE TO HOST PARTIES BECAUSE MY PARENTS LOVED TO HOST PARTIES .” going out that night and agreed to let me host my own party . I would have it in our unfinished basement , which was covered in real spider webs , so no need to decorate . When my dad unfortunately got shingles the week before , my parents assured me they would quietly watch movies in the back room and not be a bother . I , however , had made the mistake of announcing my bash three weeks in advance , which meant the news had gone through the whole school ( grades eight to 12 ) and beyond . The police showed up shortly after someone lit a bonfire in the backyard . The basement had been full of my friends one minute , then the whole twoacre backyard was filled with the rest of the school the next . We lived at the last house on a two-kilometer country road mostly inhabited by farms . Parking was maxed out along the whole two kilometers . Police had to make repeated announcements on a loud speaker by the bonfire threatening , “ We will begin towing vehicles if you all don ’ t leave immediately .” Eventually , the 200 or more party-goers dispersed
The next day , the newspaper article read , “ Alderman Major Ray Dunsdon gets first-hand experience in noise bylaws this weekend after his teenage daughter threw a Halloween party .” Two days later , my dad announced the plugged toilet downstairs was due to a flushed brassier and demanded $ 60 for his trouble . He stood in the kitchen , angrily waving the soiled bra in front of my mother , my two sisters , and I , who all erupted into laughter . He set his disciplinary approach aside and laughed along with us . Plus , what a party I threw ! It made the papers and I think it made him secretly proud .
Watermelon ’ s dad
GIN & CHRONIC JELL-O SHOOTERS
1 cup boiling water 1 package lime Jell-O
2 / 3 cup Gin & Chronic ( see recipe below )
Lime zest 6 ice cubes 6-9 cool little cups or glasses 3 straws , cut into thirds
• Pour boiling water over Jell-O powder in heat-resistant container . Stir thoroughly until crystals dissolve .
• Add Gin & Chronic and some lime zest to Jell-O mix . Mix well and cool down with ice cubes .
• Divvy up Jell-O into the cool little cups . Put a cut straw in before the Jell-O cools ( the straws help to remove the Jell-O from the cups when serving ).
• Put the cups in the fridge until Jell-O has set .
• When ready to eat , give the straw a quick swirl around the cup and voilà : wiggly , giggly Gin & Chronic Jell-O Shooters .
GIN & CHRONIC
Dried marijuana leaves Gin Mason jar
• Fill a mason jar with dried marijuana .
• Pour in gin of choice .
• Screw on lid firmly and shake . Then , shake some more .
• Store jar in a warm , dark place for 10 days . Shake often .
• After 10 days , strain the marijuana leaves out of the gin and voilà : Gin & Chronic .
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