NEGOTIATING
HHere’s how to negotiate with your
vendors, clients, counterparts, and
colleagues so we all survive and put
ourselves in a position to pick up the
pieces after the COVID-19 pandemic.
Here are three steps to fixing your deals
during this time:
1. Deactivate the fears
2. Dynamic silence
3. Shape new thinking with a “How?”
1. DEACTIVATE THEIR FEARS
USING TACTICAL EMPATHY™
“This is total chaos.”
This comes straight from a colleague’s
description and then you add in some
more deactivating labels to clear the
mind as much as possible.
“You guys are desperate. You’re scared this
whole thing is going to get out of control
and it’s going to destroy you and your
company.”
This is exactly what people are thinking.
You don’t get rid of the elephant in the
room by a) pretending it isn’t there or b)
ignoring it.
You also don’t get rid of the elephant
in the room by explaining it away. As
Ronald Reagan said, “If you’re explaining,
you’re losing.”
Calling out their fears in a fearless,
deferential way is the best way to clear
out someone’s thinking. This is the best
chance of success and the key approach
hostage negotiators have used for
decades to return people to their Normal
Functioning Level (or NFL).
You may have also noticed we’ve removed
the “seems” “sounds” “looks” “feels”
portions of the labels and are going in
much more directly. In times of higher
emotions, it is effective to go straight in
and remove any tentativeness.
2. USE DYNAMIC SILENCE
This is the point you go dead silent. Count
“one-thousands” (one-one thousand, twoone
thousand, etc.) in your head. You
cannot go onto the next step while their
thinking is still clouded with fear.
Wait until they signal that they are ready
for you to proceed. If you do get to 10-
one thousand say, “It seems like you feel
it’s even worse than I’ve said.”
This is the wash-rinse-repeat cycle. They
will give you the green light to go ahead if
you repeat it enough.
Moving on to the “how” too soon is
building a house on a foundation that
will collapse.
3. SHAPE NEW THINKING
WITH “HOW?”
Calibrated, targeted use of the word
“How?” is a Thought-Shaping Question™.
In a deferential tone of voice, we
want to shape their thinking around
collaboration. And not just surviving but
thriving in the future.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs taught
us many years ago before people can
consider thriving, they have to get over
being worried about surviving.
Deference is the key. You don’t want your
tone of voice to trigger their defenses and
destroy the groundwork you’ve laid when
you deactivated their fears.
“How do we work our way through this
so that we don’t destroy each other, and
we put ourselves in a position to pick up
the pieces and work together when this
is over?”
A deferential “How?” triggers what
Daniel Kahneman would call “Slow
thinking,” or in-depth stop you in your
tracks thinking. It is designed to activate
deep contemplation.
And again, a deferential tone of voice is
critical to this.
Vision drives decision. You specifically
present them with the choice between
the mutual assured destruction of the
moment and uncertainty of what’s
coming or picking up the pieces together
on the other side.
Every time you sense the fear returning
in the conversation you have to go back
to simply stating it out loud. Nothing
drives a stake through the heart of fear
better than calling it out.
“You’re scared there is no upside.”
“It sounds like you’re scared this is
no upside.”
“It's scary to not know how long this is
going to take to play out.”
No denials and no using “but.” “But” is
an erasing word and you don’t want it
to erase the effectiveness of the Tactical
Empathy™ you’ve implemented thus far.
Tactical Empathy™ is a powerful two-way
street, and to get it running two ways
you’ve got to give it out in heavy doses
first.
No “we” as in “we’re all scared.”
Statements like, “We’re all scared” is not
the way to deactivate their fears. The
harsh reality is, it's self-centered and
implies “Can’t you see I’m scared too?”
The best activation of empathy is to give
it first and let it sink in.
Now is the time for Tactical Empathy™.
It's your best chance of success and leaves
you in the best position to accelerate,
not just after this time period is over, to
accelerate during it.
Chris Voss is CEO of the Black Swan Group and author of the national best seller "Never Split
The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It," which was named one of the seven
best books on negotiation. A 24-year veteran of the FBI, Chris retired as the lead international
kidnapping negotiator. Drawing on his experience in high-stakes negotiations, his company
specializes in solving business communication problems using hostage negotiation solutions.
BlackSwanltd.com
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