Jottings from previous page
going for a “ jobby .” Bobby Bulloch ’ s choice of words did not impress the Scottish Football Association who described it as “ a very poor attempt at humour .” Bulloch , who claims to have been treated harshly , has poo-pooed the SFA ’ s comments .
And while we ’ re on the subject , wombats ’ poo is cube shaped . Now , you didn ’ t know that yesterday , did you ? Scientists in America have finally worked out why and in January published their findings in a scientific journal called appropriately Soft Matter . It ’ s all to do with muscles in the intestines , apparently , but you really don ’ t want any more detail , do you ?
Demetrius Lewis failed to impress the judge when he appeared in court in Florida recently . When he spotted Broward County Judge Tabitha Blackmon during a trial conducted over Zoom , he started flirting . “ Judge , you is so gorgeous ,” he cooed . “ I just have to tell you , you ’ re gorgeous .” She ordered him to be held on a $ 5,000 bond .
And finally , the mafia in Italy are reported to have ordered ambulance drivers in Naples to stop using flashing
lights and sirens . They say it interrupts drug dealers who mistake them for approaching police cars . It would be funny if it were not true ...
Quotes
“ It was going to melt anyway ” – Callum Woodhouse complaining after he was sacked as a binman for using a kung-fu kick to decapitate a three-year-old ’ s snowman .
“ Don ’ t they always ?” – Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Mail on a headline commenting about a police raid on an illegal gathering for a sex party in France which was headlined , “ Orgy ends in handcuffs .”
“ Just enjoy things for what they are .” – Olivia Newton John hitting back at cancel-culture critics who accused her 1978 movie Grease of being racist , sexist , homophobic and “ slut-shaming ” after it was shown on television at Christmas . “ He ’ s a very naughty boy .” – Mother of the 15-year-old lad who goaded the UK ’ s Chief Medical Officer , Professor Chris Whitty , in a London street by calling him a liar and then uploaded a video of the incident on social media .
“ Welcome to the Brexit , sir .” - A Dutch border guard to a British lorry driver after confiscating his ham sandwich because meat cannot be taken into the EU .
“ Watching The Sound Of Music is like being beaten to death by a Hallmark card .” – Actor Christopher Plummer ( Captain von Trapp in the 1965 movie ) who died last month aged 91 .
“ The sun will shine again , the birds will sing and we ’ ll all have a lovely day tomorrow .” – Captain Sir Tom Moore who died last month aged 100 .
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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