Jottings from previous page
were life-size cardboard cut-outs of friends and family , while dozens more appeared on a video wall , connected by Zoom technology .
However , the suspicious law enforcement officers were not satisfied and proceeded to search the building for guests who , they concluded , must have been naughtily hiding from them . Even after the initial ten investigators gave up and left , another two turned up later in the evening to check that the guests really were made of cardboard .
Steve Varsano said the officers were “ surprised that there were no people who they could issue a fine to ,” while a Scotland Yard spokesman said , “ No further action was taken .”
And talking of life-size images , road safety officer Allan has been “ kidnapped ” from his post and residents of Braemar are appealing for his return . Allan is a fully uniformed mannequin who was stationed outside the town ’ s youth hostel , reminding drivers arriving on the A93 from Glenshee to slow down and observe the 30 mph speed limit .
He vanished “ not of his own volition ” according to the local council and has not been seen since . Witnesses have reported seeing Allan being bundled into a beige coloured car , but all efforts to trace the vehicle have failed and no ransom demand has been received . Meanwhile , Allan ’ s girlfriend , officer Annette has been drafted in to take over his duties under increased security and is reportedly doing well despite her understandable distress .
Allan was last seen wearing his uniform and a high-visibility jacket . Latest news on the Police Scotland search for him will appear here as it happens .
PC Corner
Leicester University appears to be striving for the title of the UK ’ s Most Woke Seat of Learning . Last month , staff in the English Literature department were told to drop the works of Chaucer , John Donne and Christopher Marlowe amongst others , as the curriculum veers headlong towards “ diversity .” In place of the greats of English literature come an array of modern writers , covering such fashionable topics as race relations and feminism . The new-look is described by the University as “ a chronological literary history , a selection of modules on race , ethnicity , sexuality and diversity , a decolonised curriculum , and new employability modules .” Pardon ?
It ’ s all part of the drive by Leicester University ’ s vice-chancellor , Professor Nishan Canagarajah , to “ decolonise ” the curriculum , an initative for which he pockets £ 250,000 a year . He also introduced the slogan “ Citizens of Change ,” a term he uses to refer to undergraduates .
Leicester was University of the Year in 2008 , it ranked 17th in The Guardian ’ s national university league tables ten years ago , and was top for “ student satisfaction ” outside Oxbridge . Now , The Guardian ranks it 77th out of 121 universities and student numbers are reportedly falling by four per cent a year , while annual profits of up to £ 16 million a decade have turned into a loss of £ 43.6 million . As they say in academia , go woke and go broke .
Perhaps Leicester University will be brought to heel by the “ free speech champion ” who the British government intend to appoint to curb the rash of woke-inspired censorships and silencings on UK campuses . In addition , the top heritage bodies in Britain will soon have to explain their stance and will be told to “ defend our culture and history from the noisy minority of activists constantly trying to do Britain down .” And about time too .
Meanwhile , Facebook has upset users in Devon who have been chastised for using a misogynist term . Anyone making reference to Plymouth Hoe has had their knuckles rapped with some even banned from making further posts . The word Hoe derives from the Anglo Saxon for sloping land , but when spelled without a capital , it becomes a slang term for a promiscuous woman ( or worse ). Facebook has apologised .
And midwives at Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust have been told to stop using terms like “ mothers ,” “ breastfeeding ” and “ maternal ” as part of a new transfriendly language policy . They must substitute “ mothers for birthing parents ,” “ breast / chestfeeding ” and “ maternal and parental .” The policy change also includes dumping “ maternity unit ” in favour of “ perinatal services ,” while “ woman ” becomes “ woman or person ,” and “ father ” is now “ parent ,” “ co-parent ” or “ second biological parent .”
Zoom Doom
It ’ s been a bumper month for Zoom disaster stories , led by a recording of a virtual meeting of Handforth Parish Council in Cheshire during December which went viral last month . It all became terribly heated over who had authority to chair the meeting with a number of councillors losing their municipal cools , which has lead the county ’ s Association of Local Councils to review the proceedings .
Then there was US congressman Tom Emmer of Minnesota who appeared upside down during a House of Representatives committee hearing . And let ’ s not forget Professor Dong Wang of the National University of Singapore who delivered a two-hour maths lecture which none of his students heard . They tried to phone him to tell him he had muted his microphone but he ignored the calls because he was giving a lecture .
However , the most entertaining incident came from a court room in San Antonio , Texas , where a virtual hearing of the 394th Judicial Court District Court was underway . The proceedings included a contribution from Presidio County Attorney Rod Ponton , but unfortunately a filter had been activated on his computer which made him appear as an animated cartoon cat . The cat ’ s head
moved , its eyes swivelled back and forth , but it spoke in the Attorney ’ s voice . “ I ’ m here live . I ’ m not a cat ,” said Mr Ponton ’ s feline ego . Presiding Judge Roy Ferguson released the video on social media on February 9 , and it immediately gained thousands of “ likes .” He praised his colleagues for making “ no derogatory comments ,” adding , “ Professionalism all round .”
( Oh , and your Jottings team are very proud of failing to use the word “ catastrophe ” in this story .)
In Brief
Contractors were reported to have dug a hole in a Somerset field . Nothing wrong in that ... except the workers were trainee grave diggers practicing their trade and the field was a site of “ irreplaceable ecological value .” Mendip council said their instructions to the students were “ misunderstood .”
A Scottish football commentator has been sacked after announcing he was late back on air for the second half after
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