March 2021 | Page 25

Jottings
An old sofa ? A fridge which had seen better days ? No . Leaves .
He had cleared the leaves which had fallen outside his house and , as he has no garden so no green recycling bin , he drove into the countryside and left them in woodland where he thought they could be allowed to biodegrade naturally . But no !
Leaves count as waste too , according to the Council . “ Just because it may eventually compost down , does not make dumping acceptable or permissible and there is simply no excuse so don ’ t do it ,” thundered Councillor Roger Lees , who is apparently head of something terribly important . Is it us , or is someone missing the point here ?
What ’ s in a name ?
Last month ’ s winter weather in the UK brought gritter lorries onto the roads and also brought some laughs . At the end of last year , an appeal was launched in Scotland to find suitable names for the 50-strong fleet of vehicles working on 400 miles of roads and it attracted 1,200 entries .
The gritters are now named “ Snowcially Distanced ,” “ Han Snow-Lo ” and “ I want to break freeze .” Tributes to Scottish actor Sean Connery who died last year include “ On Her Majesty ’ s Slippery Surface ,” “ Coldfinger ” and “ You only grit ice ” while other celebrities honoured are “ Sled Zepplin ,” “ Robert Brrrrns ” and “ Gritney Spears .”
Meanwhile , Dame Judi Dench has written to Bracknell Forest Council to thank them for naming one of their lorries after her . The Academy Awardwinning actress said she was “ very proud ” to have given her name to one of five new vehicles which begin collecting waste food this month .
“ Dame Foodie Dench ” will be joined by “ Truck Norris ,” “ Binderella ,” “ The Food Dude ” and “ Hank Marvin ,” the word marvin ’ being cockney rhyming slang for starvin ’.
And the fishing community in Cornwall is renaming two of its catches to make them more popular with British buyers . Megrim sole and spider crab have been popular on the continent , but , says the Cornish Fish Producers Organisation , are “ under-loved ” in the UK .
Until now , 85 per cent of spider crab has been exported to Spain , with 98 per cent of the Megrim sole catch also sold elsewhere in Europe . But the post-Brexit changes are now threatening these markets . So , Megrim Sole has been rebranded Cornish Sole while spider crab is now Cornish King Crab in the hope they will appeal more at home .
Boys in Blue
Spare a thought for Steve Varsano , a wealthy American businessman , who decided to stage a special celebration for his girlfriend ’ s birthday at his offices in Mayfair . The guest list included top names in business , catering and property , and preparations went ahead accordingly .
Unfortunately , someone travelling on the top deck of a bus going along Park Lane was able to see into the building and observed workmen hammering and sawing , plus party balloons and streamers arriving . The police were tipped off and not one or two , but around ten boys in blue were duly despatched in multiple vehicles to break up the party which was clearly breaking the current Covid restrictions .
Sure enough , when the officers arrived , they found dozens of people gathering to wish socialite Lisa Tchenguiz a Happy 56th Birthday ... around 70 of whom
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