DATING
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES
(NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP)
U
In a society where single women over the age of 30 are deemed
sad, Bex Evans asks the all-important question; why are we still
conforming to obnoxious stereotypes?
ntil I found myself single at 33 I'd never really stopped
to think about how the world viewed my relationship
status. Now, after a couple of years of repeatedly having
to explain to inquisitive and confused colleagues/
relatives/strangers that I'm not dating because I don't
want to be dating, it's become all too clear.
Right from the earliest days of our lives, as young girls and then
grown women, we are conditioned by society, the media and our peers
towards the belief that a happy relationship should be the ultimate
goal. Notwithstanding all of our other achievements in life, our
worth will somehow be judged by the partnership that we
should constantly seek.
From the fairy tales where Prince Charming sweeps
in to provide the happily ever after, through teen
gossip magazines focused largely on snaring that sixth
form stud, to the well-meant reassurance from elderly
relatives that 'you'll fi nd that special someone soon'.
Whilst this not so subliminal message is drip-fed
through our youth, turn 35 without a signifi cant other
on your arm and it becomes more of a raging torrent
than a trickle. Panic must surely be setting in by now,
the hypothetical yet all important clock is ticking, and
pretty soon we'll be heading for stereotype territory,
adopting a clowder of cats and letting the spiky hairs
on our chin grow wild and free.
Single women in their late 30s and beyond are, or
so popular culture would have us believe, bordering
on desperate, perhaps a little sad, or just downright
crazy. We're presented with Bridget Jones, Miranda,
and Father Ted's loyal yet unhinged housekeeper
Mrs Doyle as examples to learn from, or to
fear. Th e very word 'spinster' conjures up
images of Miss Havisham, wasting away in
her wedding dress, letting all of life slip
away as she waits for a groom who's not
coming.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the
coin, a single man approaching middle
age experiences no such societal
coercion to seek a permanent mate at
his earliest convenience. Buoyed up
by the suave, handsome bachelor's
we see regularly on our screens, the
world is their oyster. From Christian
Grey to the Fonz, and much-loved
Joey Tribbiani, these guys aren't
lonely or missing out on something;
they're choosing not to be tied down,
and they're applauded for it.
I've quizzed a few single male friends
about this imbalance in perception
and as I'd imagined, few claim to have
experienced the same pressure to fi nd a
partner and settle down as I have (at least
110
not from outside their own families - aspiring grannies don't seem
to discriminate when it comes to achieving their aim). Whilst some
are single by choice and others through circumstance, none admit to
being made to feel like they're any less of a person for being alone.
But then these men grew up under diff erent infl uences. I don't
recall Batman or Superman ever hopelessly awaiting rescue, nor do I
believe that Action Man came with optional extra play sets containing
a girlfriend and a spacious family home. Whilst the girls in the
playground were ripping apart daisies to see if 'he loves me' or not,
the boys were too absorbed with conker fi ghts and football to notice.
So why does this seem to be the one area in which we're making
little to no headway in equality? Compared to a few generations ago
nobody thinks twice now about women running global companies,
heading up governments or conquering almighty physical challenges,
yet remain single past 40 and we're still widely considered lonely and
a little odd, at best. Why are we still putting pressure on ourselves,
and each other, to succumb to the outdated idea that we can't
function properly alone?
Studies have proved that single women often rate themselves as
happier than their loved up counterparts, and my own experience
bears witness to that. I know a lot of
smart, independent and glamorous
women who don't have a partner.
For some it's a long term
decision, for others it’s a simply
chapter in their life, a pause to
reassess things before they feel
ready for another relationship.
Th ey
have
successful
careers and full, busy lives.
Absolutely none of them are
sitting at home collecting
cats and lamenting their
lot. As marriage rates drop
and the average age at which
we decide to settle down (if
indeed we ever do) is steadily
rising, it's going to become
more and more common
for women to throw off the
shackles of convention and
decide to go it alone.
So isn't it time that we
start a revolution? Let’s
throw out the suggestion
that women need a relationship
in order to be truly content, reject the
insulting stereotypes and politely decline
the unnecessary sympathy. Let’s stop judging
those that have taken a diff erent path from our
own. More importantly, let's teach our daughters
(and our sons) that having a loving and healthy
relationship is wonderful, but that it's not the
only path to a happy and fulfi lled life.