MENTAL HEALTH
Toxic positivity
Have you ever been told to ' just think positive '? If so , you ' ve been a victim of toxic positivity . Ria Wolstenholme explains
Having a bad day might not mean you have a bad
life , but there ’ s nothing worse than someone telling you to ‘ just think positive ’ as a way of getting past it . Because whilst our thoughts indeed have power , not everything we face in life can be fixed by simply thinking positively . If it were that easy , none of us would have down days and just be smiling like the Cheshire cat for the rest of time .
Toxic positivity is something that reared its ugly head during lockdown when people started sharing messages such as ‘ just change your mindset ’ or ‘ bring the positive vibes ’. The idea that an extremely challenging and scary time for so many could be fixed by simply thinking positively was both deluded and damaging .
The thing with toxic positivity is that it can take on many forms . You might not even realise someone is doing it , or simply think it ’ s someone ’ s way of helping you get out of a slump . It could be something as menial as a family member or friend acting frustrated at you expressing your feelings about something , rather than listening to why you ’ re upset . Buzz phrases to watch out for are ' just change your outlook ' and ' just be grateful for what you have '. As if it ’ s that simple to effectively address and resolve your negative feelings or mental health issues .
You might be wondering why it ’ s important to look out for these things , and why they ’ re potentially tially detrimental to your mental health . The best way to describe the impact of toxic positivity is to imagine you ’ re dealing with something very personal and difficult . Perhaps a death in the family , the loss of a job or an episode of bad mental health . These are all serious , potentially life-changing and scary experiences for people , I ’ m sure we agree on that . Now imagine , instead of listening to how you ’ re feeling and accepting that this negative experience will come with negative thoughts you need to share and express , the person you turn to for support simply tells you to “ think positive ” to feel better about it . That feeling scared and worried is a waste of time and won ’ t help . In reality , you addressing those feelings of distress and upset is important for your mental process . And more than anything , it ’ s normal . So how can we block it out or change the narrative around us ? The best thing to do is be honest . If someone isn ’ t acknowledging or allowing you to be honest and express your negative emotions - tell them how it makes you feel .
Sadness , anxiety and loneliness are all l human emotions we are all entitled to feel , and they shouldn ’ t be ignored . These
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negative experiences , thoughts , feelings and expressions are what make us human . We ’ re not superheroes , we don ’ t have to have it together 24 / 7 , and we should never be made to feel so . It ’ s easy to think that , whilst the world is in a negative space itself , that we need to counteract it with overt positivity and “ good vibes ”. But sometimes , seeing people on social media being super productive , super positive and not honest about their down days is detrimental to our own mindset . Because it opens the door to comparison , making us look at how others are handling this weird part of life and thinking it ’ s better than what we ’ re doing . Now more than ever our personal space and safety bubbles are so important . If you feel mentally better , safer , calmer offline and away from the people pushing the message that positive mindset trumps authentic feelings , take yourself out of the situation . If they ’ re people in your day to day life , try and talk to them about how their words are impacting you , and if that doesn ’ t work just give yourself some space for however long you need to .
Don ’ t let other people push you into a corner where you begin to believe that repressing your emotions will solve your problems . Not allowing yourself to feel what you feel will just result in this toxic cycle where you ’ ll end up feeling angrier , resentful and lower than you were to begin with . Don ’ t ' just get on with it ' and fail to give yourself a chance to unravel . Don ’ t feel guilty for feeling how you feel . And don ’ t brush off experiences with the notion that ' it is what it is '. It doesn ’ t have to be hard . You don ’ t have to be strong all the time , give yourself a break and do what ’ s right for you . •