DATING
Love in lockdown
"Fresh new couples were suddenly given a governmentenforced
ultimatum: Move-in together today or remain apart
until further notice." Words by Bex Evans
What did you do last New Year’s Eve? Dance shoulder
to shoulder with strangers on a packed dance floor,
crowd around a restaurant table with your nearest
and dearest, or cram friends & neighbours into a house party?
Whatever it was, it’s a safe bet that when the clock struck
midnight there were free-flowing hugs, kisses and the obligatory
Auld Lang Syne.
Who could ever have thought that just 6 short months later
those things would be distant memories? That we’d find ourselves
living in a time where even hugging a friend is outlawed, and the
idea of casually linking arms with a stranger is downright absurd.
The onslaught of Covid-19 and its unprecedented impact on
the world saw life as we knew it not so much grind to a halt
as come to an emergency stop, smashing our collective heads
against the windscreen as it did so. In a matter of weeks, our
lives turned upside down. Carefully made holiday plans were
written off, the restaurants we took for granted dropped their
shutters and no longer could we rely on ‘just popping out’ for
anything we needed, any time. Especially if that thing were toilet
paper.
No element of our daily lives hasn’t been affected in some way,
from the obvious employment uncertainty facing many, to the
questionable hairstyle implications of 3 months without salons,
but the aspect that’s most interested me is the impact on dating
and relationships. From the longest of long-term couplings to the
newest of new tinder matches, every single romantic relationship
has been affected by lockdown to a greater or lesser degree.
Of those who’ve been together a long time, experts are sadly
predicting a spike in divorce rates post-lockdown. For some
who were otherwise sailing along just fine, 24 hours a day
at home with the added ded pressures of balancing homeschooling,
home working and in many
cases financial stress s caused
the smallest cracks to burst
open into deep impassable sable
chasms. Lockdown hasn’t
necessarily been the whole
cause, but rather the final
straw. On a brighter note,
there is also a baby boom om
predicted at the end of
this year. The chance
to spend more time
together and leave
behind the timethieves
of commuting
and busy social calendars
has rekindled some passions. sions.
Perhaps the most affected group were those in the early stages
of relationships. A few months into dating, exclusive, confident
enough that this could be something, but not yet at the stage of
declaring it ‘serious’. This is perhaps my specialist subject, as I
was one of those people. Fresh new couples were suddenly given
a government-enforced ultimatum: Move-in together today or
remain apart until further notice.
For many, the decision was already out of their hands.
Location, living arrangements or work commitments made it
impossible for them to shack up on a whim. For those of us who
did have the freedom to choose, it was a tough call. In that first
flush of love, an enforced separation could easily spell the end,
but equally so might suddenly becoming flatmates, colleagues
and ‘cellmates’ all on the same day. They say you never really
know someone until you live with them, but even people who
live together typically spend at least a portion of each day apart.
It was a conversation that no new couple could ever have
expected to have but have it we all did.
And finally, the singles. Lockdown has thrown up challenges
for them too. While the dating apps have still been going strong,
but all the usual first date locations closed, people have had to
get inventive. I’ve heard tales of virtual museum visits, Skype
wine tastings, a couple who co-ordinated their weekly grocery
shop so they could at least lay eyes on each other in person, and
one brave acquaintance in the UK who attended a speed dating
event over Zoom. On the upside dating at a distance must
certainly have weeded out those who are only interested in one
thing, and I think there’s something that can be
said for dedicating more time to getting to
know each other before diving in.
So now as restrictions start to lift
and we can get outside, meet in
person (albeit at arm’s length) and
life
resumes a vestige of normality,
we
must think about what we’ve each
learned to take forwards. That might
be
to take more romantic risks, not
to
settle for someone who doesn’t
make
the effort, or simply to appreciate
what
we already have. These have been
challenging times for everyone, but
we can at least embrace the love
lessons we’ve learned along the
way.
Ps… In case you were wondering,
we decided that he would move
in. He’s still here, and we’ve made
it permanent ;) •
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