1. Reframe tensions:
Conflict is to be at odds with, to disagree or be incompatible. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Turn disagreement in a major conduit for reciprocal learning. Eradicate the notion that tensions are bad. Promote a culture of diversity of thinking.
Reframe tensions. They are not a problem. Turn tensions into a sensor to detect what can be improved.
2. Encourage people to bring up their tensions:
Take the first step. Share yours as a leader. Promote a culture of transparency where speaking up is not feared but rewarded.
Turn sharing tensions as a ritual. Create a special space, occasion, and format for your team to express their worries and fears.
Curating the experience makes it important.
3. Practice emotional check-ins:
During weekly status or before an important meeting, allow a space for team members to express how they feel. “What has your attention?” is a great question to ask.
Understanding everyone’s feeling, their worries and external problems is like walking in their shoes.
Many times we take things too personal because we don’t know what’s going on with our colleagues.
4. Focus on ‘task’ tensions:
One way to make things less personal is to always connect tensions to the work.
Bring objectivity to the conflict by building alignment on the goal. The team might differ on what the solution is but they need to share the same purpose.
Objectivity helps put personal tensions aside and focus on the project.
5. Avoid blame:
When conflict arises, we tend to find someone to blame. Interpersonal relationships are often attributed to the “conflict partner”. But, the more responsibility we put on the “conflict partner” the angrier that person will become.
I follow the 50/50 rule. Every time there’s a tension, each side equally shares the responsibility for creating the conflict as well as how to fix it.
6. Solve personal tensions in smaller groups:
Personal tensions make people feel threatened. If the one/s causing the tension are called out in public, rather than acknowledging your words, they’ll become more defensive.
If one individual is causing the tension, have a one on one. If it’s half of the team, address that mini group.
Addressing the whole team like if they were all responsible, could irritate the bystanders.