What is my life’s purpose? The more I try to follow a thought, the sooner it fades, and then comes the next thought. The genesis of one thought becomes a mixture of many disparate thoughts. Following and acting upon a singular thought from start to end rarely happens and I can’t think of an example where it has happened. My subconsciousness fears exposure to my consciousness, and my consciousness fears exposure to the world. Have you ever felt frozen and unable to act upon your thoughts and desires? When I cannot freely pursue my worthy thoughts, I question whether those thoughts are my true desires.
I want my consciousness to be like a flowing stream — there should be no cause for hesitation. I cannot, as in, I will not, hide my thoughts. They are the most private part of my being, yet I cannot hide them or else I risk never realizing a thought that once was. The only way I can bring myself to act, from thought to motion (a stroke of the keyboard, a whisk of the pen), is through a constant sense of non-realization of exactly what I want to realize. In other words, I fear watching the world unfold without taking action.
I have so many thoughts that it’s easy to listen to thought, to be powerless. These thoughts, or realizations, manifest themselves in such a way that the progression can easily fall flat. Realizations become adulterated from the genesis that they once were with a mixture of superseding thoughts. What I mean by this is that a singular thought is built upon by new thoughts which are complete, discrete and disparate. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with this process, as it is the natural way of being. There is more to be said on the nature of thought itself but the evolution of this piece will go beyond that discussion.
I recall when I was younger the feeling of being so absorbed in my work. At that age, from my perspective, play was work; to play, I had to be; to be, I had to live. At the age of nearly 23, there is a fine distinction between work and play. This distinction exists due to the economic, political, and social ideologies, structures, and climates where people exist. If society valued art more than resource accumulation, then perhaps we’d live in a world where possessions were shared and expression was abundant. Artists express themselves more than businesspeople in modern society because artists can incur the social cost and businesspeople can’t. Think about it — the purpose of business is to make profit. In other words, the purpose of business is to accumulate capital at a rate that exceeds expenses. Businesspeople can’t incur the cost of expression when the prevailing constructs require unemotional and practical interaction in order to create shared value. However, I am not writing this to make profit, nor am I writing this to make art.
I’m merely writing to take action. I’m acting upon my thoughts. I’m releasing the valve of my consciousness because release — of thought, opinion, belief — is exactly what’s required of action, and leadership, and effect.
Author: Matthew Rosendin
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Thoughts on Consciousness and Leadership