My reflection deserted me.
Just like that. I woke up one day and it was gone. Days passed by and it was still gone. Walking in the street, wherever i saw mirrors I'd stand in front of one pleading secretly that it would reappear. But it never did. And i was left with an empty, huge shard of glass staring back at me, feigning innocence. It's quite disturbing, if you ask me. Where did it go? Was it ever there? I kept mulling over the possibilities of what caused my reflection to vanish. Was it an illusion? Did it end up shattered? Or am I the illusion that broke and drove it away? The questions roaming my mind were nightmarish, more so the lack of answers.
Another day passed by, another day I spent in, bound by the what-ifs. Then, the night came, with its merciless darkness and its insecurity and its eerie silence. I walked to the mirror in the corner of my room and stared so hard that I could feel my gaze burning through the glass. My eyes were silently pleading for their reflection to shadow their movement, but in vain. My reflection never came back. It was probably somewhere there, on the other side of the mirror, laughing at my frustration. Why wasn't it here? I wondered desperately and then retreated in shock as a thought suddenly occurred to me; what if I wasn't here? Do i exist or was it all in my head? The only proof of my existence was gone. The mirror displayed an empty room. Maybe I have merged with my surroundings? I looked down at my trembling hands and shivered as I saw nothing. Where did I go? I was still there somehow as I was thinking this. I could hear my voice in my head; I could even hear the steps of my mind as it wandered shamelessly in my head. I tried to speak but the walls won't echo my voice. Where am I? I suddenly felt tired and headed for the bed.
When I woke up again I got to enjoy a moment of post slumber ignorance before it all sunk in again. Ignorance really is bliss. I looked out the window, and it started to rain, the world's façon of declaring my impending doom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and felt a wave of relief reel over me. It's back! I wanted to scream. I walked up to the mirrorand squinted as my gaze met my reflection.
"Who are you?" She whispered incredulously, confusion written all over her face. Our movements were no longer in synch. I moved left and she headed right. She kept eyeing me weirdly, and it took me a moment to realize that her gaze was scorching through me, and onto something behind my back. I tried to turn around but i couldn’t.
"You are no longer free" My reflection said. "I have bound us"
And as she turned and headed for the window; i found myself doing the same. I felt helpless. The sick feeling ate at me bit by bit.The feeling of not being the one on the reins was consuming as I kept on following the faint marks of her footsteps on my Persian rug. Invisible strings pulled my head out of the window, leading me to my fate. Before falling, I looked back one last time.
When i hit the ground, the rain strings retreated back to the no-longer cloudy sky and the sun sent one last golden ray; a flippant goodbye. It doesn’t matter, I thought as i felt the dreaded death creep up to me, this is only an illusion.
MIRRORS
Hajar Chadlaoui