Sharing your own experiences , in a non-condescending manner , can create a more intimate and meaningful dialog . The idea is that mutual disclosure - not one person talking and the other simply listening - leads to empathy and understanding .
RAINMAKERS
19 Techniques To Create Powerful Client Conversations
By Dr . Clifford Ferguson
This is a time of deep strains and tough challenges . But it is also a period during which there are extraordinary opportunities to deepen and grow your relationships with clients ( and colleagues , family , and friends ).
Great relationships are based on great conversations , not one person showing the other how smart they are and how much they know . Your most senior clients , in particular , don ’ t want a lecture on how great your latest methodology is - they want to have a great conversation with you about their most pressing pain points .
To help you have better conversations , I ’ ve developed 19 “ conversational techniques ,” below .
“ When I go to meet with a man ,” wrote Winston Churchill , “ I spend one-third of my time thinking about what I am going to say , and two-thirds of my time thinking about what he is going to say .” Churchill certainly had a masterful understanding of human character , and an unusual knack for being able to influence others . ( Judging by his language , it also appears many of his meetings were with men , which was probably typical in those days ). His quip highlights a major problem with many highly educated professionals : Sometimes , we are so full of our own thoughts and ideas that we have trouble listening to and engaging the other person . The result is that we don ’ t get the most out of our conversations . Here-under are 19 Conversational Techniques that will hopefully improve your ability to keenly listen to and appropriately understand others .
Synthesizing : “ So it seems like there are really three different issues going on here , which are x , y , and z …” Summarizing , which is what many people do when they want to affirm , is boring and tedious to the other person . Synthesizing shows you are listening but goes further and adds value through big-picture thinking .
Active listening : Interjecting “ OK , Uh huh , sure , I see ” to communicate that you are paying attention .
Non-verbal listening : Using your body and eyes to show you are completely focused on the other person . Avoid “ tells ” that show you aren ’ t listening , like looking at your smartphone , letting your eyes wander around the room , and so on .
Echoing : Repeating the last word spoken . Client : “ So as a result , there ’ s very high attrition .” You : “ Attrition .” Client : “ Yes , we think it ’ s well above the industry average . In fact , last year we lost 20 % of the sales force .”
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Sharing your own experiences , in a non-condescending manner , can create a more intimate and meaningful dialog . The idea is that mutual disclosure - not one person talking and the other simply listening - leads to empathy and understanding .
You : “ 20 %” Client : “ Well , some of it was uncontrollable attrition like retirements , but …”
Disclosure : “ I know what you mean - two years ago I also missed a major family event due to a deadline at work …” Sharing your own experiences , in a non-condescending manner , can create a more intimate and meaningful dialog . If you are interested in the psychology of this , look up the “ Johari Window ,” devised by Ingham and Luft . The idea is that mutual disclosure - not one person talking and the other simply listening - leads to empathy and understanding .
Open-ended questions : “ What would it take to get alignment around this issue ?” “ What have your past experiences been with outside advisors ?” There is research which indicates that successful sales executives use more open-ended than closed-ended questions in the sales process . But setting that aside , open-ended questions draw out the other person and create vibrant conversations .
Provocative questions : “ Why ?” “ So what ?” “ Why are you in this business ?” “ Why do you think you need outside help ?” Years ago , I was referred to an expert on newsletter marketing . I called him to explore how I might expand the circulation of my newsletter , Client Loyalty . His first question was , “ So Cliff , why do you want more subscribers ? Maybe you should have fewer .” At first I was irritated , but then I realized that I had not completely thought through what my goals for the newsletter were . His provocative question made me think .
Provocative or “ turnaround ” answers : Client : “ So what can you do for us ?” You : “ I don ’ t know ” Client : “ The CEO is challenging our use of consultants ” You : “ I don ’ t blame him .”
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