but you don ’ t have to act out how you feel . High self-regulation enables one to control and appropriately channel strong emotions rather than let them sweep you where they may . It involves reading and adjusting your emotions to the situation , responding with a clear mind , rather than impulsively . This may mean deciding not to respond angrily to an e-mail or lashing out in response to an unkind or inappropriate remark .
Self-regulation is developed by intentionally noticing your emotions and staying in control . This takes practice . Start noticing how you react to people and situations . How do you respond to good and bad news ? Do you react emotionally or calmly ? Do you rush to judgment and react before knowing all the facts ? Daniel Golemen recommends 3 ways of improving self-regulation - knowing your values , what ’ s important to you , holding yourself accountable , which is taking responsibility for your actions and reactions and practising being calm , which starts by you deciding to be so .
While this is easier said than done , it ’ s doable with practice coupled with the desire to grow your emotional intelligence . The next time you feel anger or fear coming on , slow down , breathe deep and choose your response . Rather than panicking , shouting , or ranting , speak deliberately and calmly . You could also remove yourself from the situation and respond when you are calmer . Another way to let out strong emotions is to write down how you feel on a paper and throwing it away , rather than expressing your emotions aloud .
Motivation
The motivation element of emotional intelligence involves persisting in the face of obstacles and setbacks by keeping your eye on the goal and pressing on . Highly emotionally intelligent people are clear about their goals , and motivated by achievement . They steadily pursue their goals and have high standards for the quality of their work , which leads them to seeking feedback , monitoring themselves and constantly pushing themselves to grow and improve . They are usually optimistic and hopeful , no matter what problems they face , and persistently find workarounds and solutions when faced with challenges instead of giving up . People with low motivation avoid risks and are easily discouraged by setbacks .
To improve your motivation , be clear about your purpose and motivations . Notice your reactions when faced with challenges and
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Develop your interpersonal skills by seeing everyone as worthy of respect regardless of background , ethnicity or station in life . Be quietly confident about your accomplishments and let others shine rather than demanding the spotlight to always be on you .
choose to respond positively , solving the issues rather than blaming and giving up . Try to find at least one good thing about the challenge you are facing and focus on this rather than the situation . Take responsibility for your actions and results , and , if you hurt anyone , apologize simply and directly , and , instead of dwelling on the issue , learn , pick yourself up and keep moving towards your goals .
Empathy
Empathy has been described as stepping into the other person ’ s shoes and looking at the world from their point of view . It is the ability to connect with people and take their feelings and considerations into account , and involves identifying how others feel and responding appropriately , which makes them feel seen and understood . This skill is useful for all personal interactions including sales , service , negotiation and conflict resolution . Empathic people easily move from their own world and feelings into other people ’ s and have high awareness of their own feelings and those of others .
Develop empathy by deliberately noticing other people ’ s emotions through active listening and observation . From your very next interaction pay close attention to the other person ’ s words , tone , body language and behavior and respond appropriately , recognizing and validating their emotions without judgment or shame . Before pursuing a course of action , reflect on the effect on others , asking yourself how they would feel and whether you would want that experience yourself .
Relationship Management
Also described as social skills , this aspect of emotional intelligence involves naturally developing positive relations with others by genuinely being a decent , wholesome person , which includes extending respect and courtesy to everyone , regardless of their station in life . It includes the ability to build rapport , trust , respect and humility rather than disregarding people and being self-centred and boastful .
Develop your interpersonal skills by seeing everyone as worthy of respect regardless of background , ethnicity or station in life . Be quietly confident about your accomplishments and let others shine rather than demanding the spotlight to always be on you . Be courteous and respectful and handle conflict with wisdom and maturity , focusing on maintaining relationships for the long-term .
Growing you Emotional Intelligence
While your intellectual capacity may get your foot in the door , emotional intelligence will keep you there . All five areas are necessary for high emotional intelligence and need to be practiced simultaneously . Anyone can develop emotional intelligence if they want to . Assess yourself , using this article and validated assessment tools , such as the one on mindtools . com or psychologytoday . com , and based on your assessment , identify priority areas to work on , and take action , using a clear plan , measuring your progress regularly and reassessing yourself after four to six months to see how you have improved .
Every journey starts with a single step . Choose to consistently develop your emotional intelligence today , and achieve success faster . See you at the top !
Caroline Nyamwaya Mwazi is Chief Change Catalyst of Huru Consult Limited , a management and training consulting company that supports clients in strategy , organizational development , financial management , leadership , personal development and learning . You can commune with her via email at : CMwazi @ gmail . com