Grief is a word that encompasses
many emotions: of sadness,
unhappiness, resistance to change,
anger, fear and regret. In today’s world
there are many things that can cause grief.
With the Covid-19 pandemic sweeping
across the world, people all around the
world are struggling to find ways of
coping and managing their personal lives.
Many have lost jobs or their sources of
income. Businesses have folded or are on
the brink of doing so. Others are unwell,
with pre-existing medical conditions. And
yet others have been infected with the
corona virus and are struggling, fighting
for their lives. This is one time the world
is united in scenes of grief. Stories from
countries like Italy, the UK and the US on
the loss of lives means people are going
through a lot of grief.
In 1969, Elisabeth Ross wrote a book
called On Death and Dying. In it she
outlined the 5 stages of grief and loss,
more popularly known as the Kubler-
Ross Model. These stages are denial and
isolation, anger, bargaining, depression
and acceptance.
One of the first things she highlighted was
that these stages do not necessarily occur
in order. She also pointed out that not
everyone goes through all the stages. But
COACHING
Leadership In A Crisis
it is a useful model to use to understand
how to help those who are going through
grief and loss and can be applied to any
situation.
Denial
Take for example an individual who
owns and runs an events company. The
events industry has been hard hit by the
Covid-19 pandemic. Restrictions on
gatherings mean that it isn’t possible to
hold events, conferences or engage with
customers via road shows. This is likely
to be the case for the foreseeable future,
as the corona virus continues to ravage
populations across continents.
This entrepreneur is anxiously waiting for
the lifting of restrictions with the hope
that ‘corona will end’ and life can go ‘back
to normal.’ A good example of someone
in denial and who has refused to see the
reality for what it is. Denial is a defense
mechanism as it helps us deal with the
pain from the problem.
AngerThe next stage is anger. The country
is going through severe hardships. People
are struggling to make ends meet. Many
are going hungry as the counties continue
to be locked down and travel remains
The country is going through severe hardships.
People are struggling to make ends
meet. Many are going hungry as the counties
continue to be locked down and travel
remains tightly controlled. Never in the
history of Kenya has there been a dusk to
dawn curfew that has lasted this long.
By Thrity Engineer-Mbuthia
tightly controlled. Never in the history
of Kenya has there been a dusk to dawn
curfew that has lasted this long.
And yet the events’ organizer, is angry.
Angry at the Chinese because he believes
they ate bats that harbored the virus.
Angry at the restrictions forcing him to
stay home unable to engage clients and
get new business. Angry at the authorities
for forcing him to wear a mask as soon as
he steps foot outside his house. Angry at
not knowing what is coming next. Anger
is an emotion that if left unresolved can
consume you and eat away at your soul.
Bargaining
The third stage is bargaining. This stage
has a lot of reflection most of which uses
the ‘if only’ approach. If only he had closed
the deal on more conferences. If only he
had taken down payments, he wouldn’t
have suffered losses from the events he
had to cancel. If only he went to church
more often, then God wouldn’t have let
this happen to him.
This stage is also compounded by guilt
and a lot of questions. It can result in selfdoubt
where one wonders what else he
could have done to forestall the situation.
Depression
The fourth stage is depression. In the case
of our events’ organizer, he is now looking
at his life which he may perceive to be in
shambles. He doesn’t see any way out. He
is deeply sad, perhaps even unable to think
of a way out. The emotions are weighing
heavily on him and he may not be able to
do much.
Acceptance
The last stage is the acceptance stage.
Here there is a level of calmness that
arises from accepting the situation. It is
not a happy stage by any standards, but
it isn’t depression either. This is a stage of
exploring options and of finding a way
forward.
Our events’ organizer finally accepts
that everything happening is beyond his
control and sits down to review what he
does have control over and what he can
plan to do about his business.
What of teams? As a head of sales and
marketing, you are most likely to have a
team who are looking up to you to provide
direction under this crisis situation.
Targets are still in place, sales must come
in, yet these front line customer facing
employees are unable to do their work in
the traditional way that is known to them.
It calls for you as the team lead to use
all your leadership skills to keep the team
together and motivated so that you find
ways to go about your tasks no matter
how challenging the circumstances.
As a leader, you need to have those 1
on 1 conversations with individuals to
encourage and coach members to get
to the acceptance stage so that the way
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The last stage is the
acceptance stage.
Here there is a level
of calmness that
arises from accepting
the situation. It is
not a happy stage by
any standards, but
it isn’t depression either.
This is a stage
of exploring options
and of finding a way
forward.
forward can be found. As a group, the
members may need to help one another by
providing support and help.
How can you tell if you or your colleagues
are going through grief? There could be
several symptoms that may point to that.
These include feelings of worry or anxiety,
depression, loss of sleep, headaches,
frustration, guilt and general stress.
In severe cases, a qualified counsellor
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or doctor would be best placed to help
diagnose mental health challenges. In
not so severe cases, or where people get
to the acceptance stage quickly, it could
be possible to work with a coach to help
come up with a plan of action designed to
drive a desired outcome.
People handle stress and grief very
differently and based on their own unique
personalities and life experiences. There is
rarely a model or template that one can
use to manage these situations.
One thing is clear, the Covid-19
pandemic is going to be with us for some
time. What are you doing as a leader to
help yourself and your colleagues wade
through this?
As C S Lewis said, “Grief is like a long
valley, a winding valley, where any bend
may reveal a totally new landscape.”
Thrity Engineer-Mbuthia is a
PhD student of Management and
Leadership and a certified executive
coach. Drop her a line at: Info@
thrityengineer.org for a free virtual
30 minute coaching consultation.
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