Muriel
I went to see the pig and dog today. I visit them each day, they are both much bigger than they previously were. It is very hard to walk, especially with braces on, I have to use canes. Now that Sister Elizabeth is gone I don’t see the physiotherapist anymore. I think I’m getting worse. I find my legs getting more sore than ever. What a strange coincidence my legs are in braces today. I feel like I should forget about Sister Elizabeth but she is all I can think about. I do find it hard to focus on anything when my legs are sore. I hope one day I can see her again, face to face. I heard one of the sisters talking about sending me away. I hope I don’t get sent away, I’ve been here most of my life. If I was sent to Sister Elizabeth then I wouldn’t mind being sent away. I like being outside even though it’s so hard to get outside. I keep thinking about what would have happened if I had never gotten Polio. Would I still be with my family? To be honest, I wouldn’t want to be with my family of I had the option to go back to them because I realize now that they had given up on me and did not want to deal with me. I don’t want to think about them anymore, after all, I don’t think they think about me anymore. Last year I had a terrible dream that I cried about when I woke up. In my dream, I looked through a window, into a living room, I saw that my family was with another child and my mother whisper “she won’t disappoint us” but now that I think about it my parents disappointed me. Life is tough when you think no one cares for you. The truth is I was always cared for, Sister Elizabeth always cared for me. You love something more than ever as soon as you lose it. All the anger that I have felt this whole time is not good. I realize now that in order for me to get well I have to forgive my parents for what they have done.
Muriel’s Mother
I still think about her, I still think about Muriel everyday. I did not want to give her up. My husband was the one who gave her up, we had been in debt for the past year and said that she would be a financial struggle for us. I miss her so much. I wish I could see her just one last time. I’ll do anything to have one minute with Muriel. Sometimes, I don’t want to go on without Muriel. In fact nobody knows this but me. Muriel isn’t the only child that I gave up. Years before we had Muriel, I was pregnant with another child and when the child was born, I also gave the baby up as soon as the baby was born. The child had a twisted leg. I knew my husband didn’t want the child so I wasn’t even sure if my husband would give it to a proper orphanage. Now what happened with Muriel, I realized I failed twice as a mother. I wish I could’ve been brave enough to do better for the other child that I wasn’t a mother for more than an hour and to the girl I had raised. To this day I wonder whether that child is still alive and where he is. I wish I had done a lot of things different but I realize that I can’t undo what I had done. The weirdest thing is I should have been better considering I was an orphan myself and now I have made two children as well. I wish I had done better in so many different things. I hope I can do better, better in the future. Hope, that is all I can say. I hope I can find Muriel one day.
Muriel