Faith and Family
GROWING UP
Getting Fed Up a Part of Pandemic Parenting
A typical squabble between siblings had broken
out. One was arguing that the other had taken
something of theirs. The argument escalated as it
had before. Normally, the mother would calmly
break the two up and have them stay in timeout
for a while to cool down. That did not happen this
time. The mother started yelling at the two and
screamed for them to go to their rooms. The
siblings stopped their argument at once, shocked.
They then started to cry and ran up to their rooms.
The mother felt awful and knew she should not
have lashed out that way. It was just the stress of
trying to get her two children to do their
schoolwork on top of her remote job was
overwhelming. Even with her husband’s help, she
was floundering and not getting enough sleep at
night due to financial worries.
This situation is being experienced by many
parents during the current pandemic. The high
standards that were held before the pandemic have
become impossibly tall mountains to climb. The
reality is that parents need to lower their
expectations for everyone in the family. This means
that school assignments may not all be completed
on time or that certain job tasks are delayed.
Lowering expectations can reduce parents stress
levels. Parents also need to make sure they are
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looking out for their own needs. This means eating
a healthy diet, making sure to exercise, and getting
adequate sleep. Doing this will allow parents to
stay calm, concentrate better, and become more
effective problem solvers. It also means they are less
likely to blow up when their children start fighting.
Of course, being stranded at home for most of the
day works against that as the tendency is to search
out comfort foods, lie on the couch, and binge
watch shows.
When parents do lose their cool, it is important
to wait to apologize until everyone has a chance to
calm down. Nobody thinks rationally when they
are still angry. Parents should be honest with their
children and explain how they are tired, struggling,
or even feeling overwhelmed. They can apologize
for any bad language used and let their children
know they are trying to do better.
Apologizing does not erase the possibility of the
parent having another temper tantrum. That
means parents should plan on how to model
appropriate responses when they are feeling
overwhelmed. One way is to take some quiet time
when frustration begins to build. Even a few
minutes in the bathroom can head off a blow up.
It can also help to be proactive and have various
times scheduled into the day in which to recharge.
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A few 15 minute periods scheduled into the day to
read, exercise, or do a creative project can help put
everything back into perspective and increase
frustration tolerance.
Even when parents make concerted efforts to
take care of themselves, events can still be
overwhelming. It is okay to model asking for help
when it is needed. This could be using
videoconferencing and receiving emotional
support from a good friend. No one is able to get
through moments of crisis without some help.
It is inevitable that anger and frustration will boil
over occasionally as a pandemic parent. The key is
to try and be proactive in preventing it. Eat a
healthy diet, get enough sleep, and exercise. Take
recharging breaks throughout the day. Lower
expectations about when can get done in a day and
apologize when there are blow ups.
Biography:
Dan Florell, Ph.D., is an associate professor at
Eastern Kentucky University and has a private
practice, MindPsi (www.mindpsi.net). Praveena
Salins, M.D., is a pediatrician at Madison Pediatric
Associates (www.madisonpeds.com).
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Story by Dan Florell, Ph.D. &
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