Drawing by
Andre Gruber
Back in 2006 I saw a film trailer for Brett Ratner’s X-Men
The Last Stand and I about shit my pants. I couldn’t believe
it, mutant wars, the best X-Men character finally showed up
(Beast), Archangel was present, Juggernaut made an appearance, Magneto was doing badass shit, and epic looking battles
were all there. I remember liking the first two X-Men films and
was pleased to see that there was going to be a third one. I had
accepted the fact that they were wearing lame ass black leather
outfits and that for some reason Wolverine was the main character of the films, and enjoyed the somewhat fun story of Bryan Singer’s X2. But little did I realize that Bryan Singer had
left the project for Superman Returns and gave it to the fuckin
Rush Hour director, Brett Ratner. God only knows what was
going through this motherfucker’s head. Also little did I realize
how absurd the story was going to be and how awful the directing was. Fox really didn’t give a shit.
But in light of Bryan Singer’s X-Men Days of Future Past, I
can no further hate on X-Men The Last Stand. I couldn’t believe
my eyes, Bryan Singer had done it! He found a way to make a
worse film than that of The Last Stand. Now I know what you’re
thinking, how can he hate on Days of Future Past, it fixed The
Last Stand? You can’t defend a shitty film that’s only purpose
is to fix a previous film in the “franchise”. Fuckin Sony and Fox
sucks. They have officially ruined these characters for future
generations. Now every new X-Men comic is gonna have the
drawings of Wolverine based off of Hugh Jackman?! No! This is
absurd. When we live in a world where Captain America Winter
Soldier and The Avengers exists, then there is NO EXCUSE for
the X-Men not to have their real costumes. Don’t you dare say
that it looks goofy, because just think about the concept. It’s
already a goofy as hell concept, men wearing black leather with
powers running around fighting each other. The vibrant colors,
the badass masks, and the fact that every character looked like
an individual was what made X-Men great. When I watched
Days of Future Past, it felt like I was watching some random
dudes with powers (like that stupid fuckin show Heroes) that
happen to steal the names of some of the coolest X-Men characters from those great comics by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. True,
Hugh Jackman is a great Wolverine, no doubt! He is definitely
the only actor in these films that seems like he looked at the
source material. Just give him the costume dammit!
Now when Days of Future Past started I was pretty excited
because the original X-Men film theme came on and everything
looked very Science Fiction. But about after maybe five short
minutes (maybe even less) everything went to shit. Suddenly
the “future” looked like a scene from Mortal Kombat Annihilation. How the fuck is this X-Men? Wolverine is wearing some
black armor now? How the hell is Xavier alive in his body? Why
is Iceman always in these movies and why does he still have
that Nsync haircut? Why do the sentinels look like giant CGI
shit? How is this acceptable to any viewer? This looks and feels
like ABC Family’s original X-Men or shall I call it X-Boys. Obviously no one read X-Men Days of Future Past Comic by Chris
Claremont and John Byrne. In the comic Kitty goes back in
time, but for some reason in this “film” Kitty shoots electrical
beams into Wolverine’s head so in his mind he goes back to the
1970s, where he can alter the future. Sounds like bullshit to me
folks. This sounds more contrived than that codex from Man of
Shit. In the original source material Kitty travels from the year
2013 to 1980 to stop Mystique from murdering Senator Robert
Kelly. They could have easily done this. Since it was filmed in
2013 and everyone loves the fuckin 80s.
Now let’s discuss the “villains” of Days of Future Past. This
only incl VFW2