LEAVING WAYLAND
“ Don ’ t ' tell ' him ,' Frances ,' he ’ ll ' think ' he ' can ' barge ' in ' here ' any ' time ' and ' act ' like ' he ' runs ' the '
LEAVING WAYLAND
instead .' Now ,' when ' I ' think ' about ' seeing ' my ' daddy ' lying ' there ,' dead ' in ' the ' mud ,' I ' imagine ' maggots ' place .”' crawling ' over ' his ' body ' and ' eating ' it ' all ' up ,' and ' I ' don ’ t ' feel ' anything ' at ' all .''
I ' looked ' up ' from ' the ' laundry ' to ' see ' my ' mama ' worked ' up ,' her ' curly ' brown ' hair ' tousled ' and ' rebellious .' I ' think ' it ' was ' the ' first ' time ' I ’ d ' seen ' her ' like ' that ;' normally ' she ' wore ' it ' pulled ' tight ' against ' her ' round ' scalp ' and ' tied ' off ' in ' a ' neat ' bun .'' Wallace ' was ' a ' sight ' as ' well ' that ' morning .' He ' had '
I ’ ve ' heard ' soldiers ' say ' that ' when ' someone ’ s ' been ' shot ' and ' they ’ re ' dying ,' they ' get ' to ' a ' point ' when ' everything ' just ' goes ' numb ,' that ' they ' don ’ t ' feel ' anything ' anymore .' And ' then ' they ' just ' go .' Well ' something ' inside ' me ' must ' have ' died ' that ' day .' I ' was ' certainly ' never ' the ' same ' as ' before .' his ' shirt ' tail ' halfKuntucked ' and ' I ' think ' I ' saw ' lipstick ' smeared ' across ' his ' face ,' which ' was ' funny ' '
Wallace ' and ' my ' mama ' scheduled ' the ' funeral ' plans ' and ' called ' everybody ' over .' They ' also ' because ' he ' wasn ’ t ' married .' He ' was ' carrying ' a ' paper ' scribbled ' with ' orders .' decided ' that ' after ' the ' burial ,' I ' was ' to ' take ' over ' for ' my ' Daddy ' to ' put ' food ' the ' table .''
“ He ’ s ' out ' in ' the ' pen ' with ' the ' hog .”' “ Damn ' girl .”' My ' mama ' cursed .''
' '
“ It ’ s ' the ' devil ’ s ' business ,' but ' we ’ ve ' got ' to ' eat ' something ,”' mama ' said .' ' I ' didn ’ t ' tell ' her ' I ’ d ' made ' my ' own ' plans .' I ' knew ' even ' then ' I ' would ' never ' be ' able ' forgive '
Wallace ' nodded ' thanks ' and ' ran ' out ' to ' the ' yard .'“ Fred !' Fred ,' get ' up !' We ’ ve ' got ' work ' to ' do .”' myself ' for ' what ' I ' was ' about ' to ' do .' I ' consoled ' myself ' by ' deciding ' that ' I ' would ' send ' money .'
The ' chickens ' clucked ' noisily .' '
The ' next ' morning ,' before ' the ' burial ,' I ' sneaked ' some ' of ' my ' daddy ’ s ' clothes ' from ' the ' laundry '
My ' daddy ' didn ’ t ' move .'' “ Come ' on ,' you ' worthless ' sonKofKaKbitch ,”' he ' said ,' nudging ' him ' with ' his ' boot .' My ' daddy ' rolled ' over ' in ' the ' mud ' to ' show ' his ' pale ' face .' He ' was ' filthy .' His ' eyes ' were ' open ,' but ' they ' seemed ' more ' like ' marbles ' stuck ' inside ' his ' skull .' “ Fred ?”' My ' mother ’ s ' voice ' cracked .' Wallace ' reached ' his ' hand ' down ' to ' feel ' in ' front ' of ' Daddy ’ s ' mouth .' Then ' he ' pulled ' the ' flask ' out ' of ' his ' back ' pocket ' and ' took ' a ' long ,' hard ' swig .'“ Yep ,' he ’ s ' dead ,”' was ' all ' he ' said .'' The ' way ' my ' mother ' always ' whined ' about ' things ,' you ' would ’ ve ' expected ' her ' to ' run ' into ' the ' and ' hopped ' the ' first ' train ' I ' could ' out ' of ' town .' It ' wasn ’ t ' hard ;' I ’ d ' done ' it ' a ' couple ' of ' times ' just ' to ' ride ' a ' short ' ways .' The ' pants ' were ' way ' too ' big ,' and ' that ' made ' it ' harder ' to ' hop ' on .' I ' had ' to ' tie ' them ' on ' with ' a ' piece ' of ' drying ' line .' But ' I ' thanked ' God ' then ,' for ' the ' first ' time ,' that ' I ' wasn ’ t ' pretty ' and ' voluptuous ' like ' Maddy ,' because ' my ' plainness ' helped ' me ' pass ' for ' a ' boy .'' “ Where ' you ' trying ' to ' get ' to ?”' Came ' the ' first ' words ' I ' heard ' when ' I ' climbed ' into ' the ' boxcar .' “ Or ,' more ' importantly ,' where ' you ' running ' from ?”' Someone ' added .' I ' couldn ’ t ' see ' anyone ' in ' the ' dark ' car .'
It ' was ' 1965 .'' yard ,' wailing ,' and ' throw ' herself ' on ' his ' body ' or ' something .' But ' she ' didn ’ t .' Instead ,' she ' caught ' her ' breath ,' walked ' gracefully ' over ' to ' Wallace ,' grabbed ' the ' flask ' from ' his ' hands ,' and ' threw ' it ' into ' the ' bushes .' Then ' she ' turned ' and ' walked ' back ' inside .'
I ' remember ' watching ' her ,' but ' I ' can ’ t ' for ' the ' life ' of ' me ' remember ' what ' I ' did ' then — if ' I ' finished ' ringing ' out ' the ' laundry ' and ' hung ' it ' up ,' or ' if ' I ' helped ' Wallace ' move ' the ' body ' out ' of ' the ' yard ,' or ' if ' I ' ran ' off .' I ' wish ' I ' could ,' but ' no ' matter ' how ' much ' I ' try ,' it ’ s ' like ' there ’ s ' a ' big ' black ' dot ' there '