LEAVING WAYLAND
“ Don’ t ' tell ' him,' Frances,' he’ ll ' think ' he ' can ' barge ' in ' here ' any ' time ' and ' act ' like ' he ' runs ' the '
LEAVING WAYLAND
instead.' Now,' when ' I ' think ' about ' seeing ' my ' daddy ' lying ' there,' dead ' in ' the ' mud,' I ' imagine ' maggots ' place.”' crawling ' over ' his ' body ' and ' eating ' it ' all ' up,' and ' I ' don’ t ' feel ' anything ' at ' all.''
I ' looked ' up ' from ' the ' laundry ' to ' see ' my ' mama ' worked ' up,' her ' curly ' brown ' hair ' tousled ' and ' rebellious.' I ' think ' it ' was ' the ' first ' time ' I’ d ' seen ' her ' like ' that;' normally ' she ' wore ' it ' pulled ' tight ' against ' her ' round ' scalp ' and ' tied ' off ' in ' a ' neat ' bun.'' Wallace ' was ' a ' sight ' as ' well ' that ' morning.' He ' had '
I’ ve ' heard ' soldiers ' say ' that ' when ' someone’ s ' been ' shot ' and ' they’ re ' dying,' they ' get ' to ' a ' point ' when ' everything ' just ' goes ' numb,' that ' they ' don’ t ' feel ' anything ' anymore.' And ' then ' they ' just ' go.' Well ' something ' inside ' me ' must ' have ' died ' that ' day.' I ' was ' certainly ' never ' the ' same ' as ' before.' his ' shirt ' tail ' halfKuntucked ' and ' I ' think ' I ' saw ' lipstick ' smeared ' across ' his ' face,' which ' was ' funny ' '
Wallace ' and ' my ' mama ' scheduled ' the ' funeral ' plans ' and ' called ' everybody ' over.' They ' also ' because ' he ' wasn’ t ' married.' He ' was ' carrying ' a ' paper ' scribbled ' with ' orders.' decided ' that ' after ' the ' burial,' I ' was ' to ' take ' over ' for ' my ' Daddy ' to ' put ' food ' the ' table.''
“ He’ s ' out ' in ' the ' pen ' with ' the ' hog.”'“ Damn ' girl.”' My ' mama ' cursed.''
' '
“ It’ s ' the ' devil’ s ' business,' but ' we’ ve ' got ' to ' eat ' something,”' mama ' said.' ' I ' didn’ t ' tell ' her ' I’ d ' made ' my ' own ' plans.' I ' knew ' even ' then ' I ' would ' never ' be ' able ' forgive '
Wallace ' nodded ' thanks ' and ' ran ' out ' to ' the ' yard.'“ Fred!' Fred,' get ' up!' We’ ve ' got ' work ' to ' do.”' myself ' for ' what ' I ' was ' about ' to ' do.' I ' consoled ' myself ' by ' deciding ' that ' I ' would ' send ' money.'
The ' chickens ' clucked ' noisily.' '
The ' next ' morning,' before ' the ' burial,' I ' sneaked ' some ' of ' my ' daddy’ s ' clothes ' from ' the ' laundry '
My ' daddy ' didn’ t ' move.''“ Come ' on,' you ' worthless ' sonKofKaKbitch,”' he ' said,' nudging ' him ' with ' his ' boot.' My ' daddy ' rolled ' over ' in ' the ' mud ' to ' show ' his ' pale ' face.' He ' was ' filthy.' His ' eyes ' were ' open,' but ' they ' seemed ' more ' like ' marbles ' stuck ' inside ' his ' skull.'“ Fred?”' My ' mother’ s ' voice ' cracked.' Wallace ' reached ' his ' hand ' down ' to ' feel ' in ' front ' of ' Daddy’ s ' mouth.' Then ' he ' pulled ' the ' flask ' out ' of ' his ' back ' pocket ' and ' took ' a ' long,' hard ' swig.'“ Yep,' he’ s ' dead,”' was ' all ' he ' said.'' The ' way ' my ' mother ' always ' whined ' about ' things,' you ' would’ ve ' expected ' her ' to ' run ' into ' the ' and ' hopped ' the ' first ' train ' I ' could ' out ' of ' town.' It ' wasn’ t ' hard;' I’ d ' done ' it ' a ' couple ' of ' times ' just ' to ' ride ' a ' short ' ways.' The ' pants ' were ' way ' too ' big,' and ' that ' made ' it ' harder ' to ' hop ' on.' I ' had ' to ' tie ' them ' on ' with ' a ' piece ' of ' drying ' line.' But ' I ' thanked ' God ' then,' for ' the ' first ' time,' that ' I ' wasn’ t ' pretty ' and ' voluptuous ' like ' Maddy,' because ' my ' plainness ' helped ' me ' pass ' for ' a ' boy.''“ Where ' you ' trying ' to ' get ' to?”' Came ' the ' first ' words ' I ' heard ' when ' I ' climbed ' into ' the ' boxcar.'“ Or,' more ' importantly,' where ' you ' running ' from?”' Someone ' added.' I ' couldn’ t ' see ' anyone ' in ' the ' dark ' car.'
It ' was ' 1965.'' yard,' wailing,' and ' throw ' herself ' on ' his ' body ' or ' something.' But ' she ' didn’ t.' Instead,' she ' caught ' her ' breath,' walked ' gracefully ' over ' to ' Wallace,' grabbed ' the ' flask ' from ' his ' hands,' and ' threw ' it ' into ' the ' bushes.' Then ' she ' turned ' and ' walked ' back ' inside.'
I ' remember ' watching ' her,' but ' I ' can’ t ' for ' the ' life ' of ' me ' remember ' what ' I ' did ' then— if ' I ' finished ' ringing ' out ' the ' laundry ' and ' hung ' it ' up,' or ' if ' I ' helped ' Wallace ' move ' the ' body ' out ' of ' the ' yard,' or ' if ' I ' ran ' off.' I ' wish ' I ' could,' but ' no ' matter ' how ' much ' I ' try,' it’ s ' like ' there’ s ' a ' big ' black ' dot ' there '