Love Sleep Report Final 2020 Love Sleep Report FINAL | Page 10

Sex and intimacy slip to the bottom
of our priority lists. We tend to invest in
the relationships that aren’t directly in front
of us – we call mum, or arrange dinner with
a friend. But because our partner is ‘there’,
we forget that they might not always be.
We get comfortable, but this is dangerous.
We all want to feel wanted – and when we
prioritise our time with our partner, it very
gently plants the seed of intimacy… and
sometimes it’s the act of intent that creates
the headspace we need to reconnect.
reclaim
the bedroom
85% of us believe intimacy
requires effort: after all,
‘anything worth doing
is worth doing well’
A large majority of us (86%) spend less than
an hour together in bed before going to sleep.
So, once you factor in the aforementioned
distractions, the window of opportunity for
intimacy is not exactly huge. It’s not surprising
that 40% of us would like our partner to pay
more attention to us at bedtime; and an even
greater number (53%) feel we should pay more
attention to our partner.
Making an effort to set the mood for physical
intimacy seems like a good place to start, with
over two thirds (67%) of us agreeing that this is
important. For many of us, this does start with
putting an end to the bedroom tech takeover
– but what else can we do to reconnect?
Kate Moyle gives us her top five tips – and
explains that things don’t change on their own:
relationships, just like anything worthwhile,
take commitment and work. It is about taking
considered steps together, without putting too
much pressure on yourself or one another, in
order to focus on your challenges and enjoy
moving forward.
2. talk to each other
That we value communication as one of the
three essential requirements for a successful
relationship speaks volumes – and so if you
have a sense or feeling that intimacy is
becoming an issue, it’s important to talk
about it. Ideally, talk about sex outside of
the bedroom and focus on the positives –
times you’ve enjoyed together and things
you like. Try to understand each other better
– talk about your love language (the ways in
which you like to show and receive affection)
and tap into the five senses to have more
mindful sex.
3. take the pressure off
The intention of this is not for you to have
sex, or for the focus to be on intercourse.
It’s about creating space for you as a couple
to have fun together and feel closer (a part
of which may be sex, but that’s your choice).
Pressure is one of the most reported ‘turn
offs’ – it is much better to invest in enjoying
a sense of togetherness with no agenda.
4. set the scene
Ensure your bedroom is comfortable and
distraction free. No tech; dress comfortably
or in something that feels good. We talk as
therapists about good conditions or bad
conditions – and it may be helpful to think
about what these are for you. For example,
lighting, having had a shower, turning off the
tumble drier, time of day etc…
“
relationships,
“
1.
make your relationship
a priority
JUST LIKE ANYTHING
WORTHWHILE, TAKE
COMMITMENT AND WORK
5. laugh
Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Sex is meant
to be fun. The first few times we try anything
new, particularly when it comes to couple
spaces, intimacy or sex, we can feel a bit
uncomfortable or strange. But don’t overthink
it; consider it a part of nurturing and paying
your relationship some attention – it doesn’t
matter what age and stage of relationship we
are at; we should always be aware of investing
in our relationship with our partner.
Lastly, create time and space – things don’t
change on their own: relationships, just like
anything worthwhile, take commitment
and work. It is about taking considered steps
together, without putting too much pressure
on yourself or one another, in order to focus
on your challenges and enjoy moving forward.
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