30 years ago , I believed that finding a romantic partner was hard work . I thought I had to change how I looked , how I behaved and what I liked or disliked in order to attract a mate and have a successful romantic relationship .
I didn ' t think I was enough , so I became a master at chameleon-like behavior and could morph into whoever I needed to be depending on who I was with . I kept my opinions to myself . I didn ' t rock the boat and went along with whatever my significant other wanted to do . This worked for awhile . I did find what I thought was love , but how could it truly be love when my partner didn ' t really know who I was ? Who had he actually fallen in love with ? How could I truly love anyone else when I didn ' t love myself ?
Each time I molded myself to become someone else ' s idea of how I should behave or what I should think or feel , the real me faded away a little more just like an image in an old photograph . I didn ' t know what the real me thought or felt any more . With each passing year , I lost touch with my authentic self . After years of silencing my inner voice , I couldn ' t tell the difference between the real me and the " good girl " I had become to please others .
A few failed relationships later , I finally started to understand that pretending to be something other than myself was sabotaging my relationships before they even got started . I learned that when I allow myself to be myself , I attract lots of terrific people into my life . These people love me for who I am . They don ' t try to control me and I don ' t try to control them .