Love a Happy Ending Lifestyle Magazine August 2013 | Page 41

ADAM’S RIB - SATTIRE

No Way In!
I’ve never written at any
sort of length about my
father, and for no
particular reason. Maybe
it’s because he’s always
been
a
dependable
parent, great provider, and
fair disciplinarian. A consummate workaholic, my father is now approaching retirement age
and spends his days enjoying the life he’s built for our family. The more that I think about it,
I’m genuinely surprised that I haven’t written about him up until now. The fact that he
embraces a professional demeanor and understated stoicism makes his mishaps all the
more fun to rag on when stupid shit happens to the grizzled old fart. This past weekend was
no exception.
Being raised in a blue collar household, my dad developed a strong work ethic at a very
young age, going on to graduate from college, get married, and start a computer business at
a time when computers were a radical, new way of thinking. Surfing a wave of ingenuity and
having faith in machines, that at the time had as much memory as a pocket calculator, my
dad developed a business plan that
would not only be successful, but
would ensure that his family would
never go for want. We were
fortunate.
On a familial level, the success
didn’t quite translate. I believe that
the true measure of a parent
resides in their ability to impart
wisdom upon their children. My
father fell less on the teaching side
of the fence, gravitating more
toward the Tiger-Mom mentality of
“I’m only going to show you this
once and you better not fuck it up!”
Alas, I’m 8, and learning