Partners in Care:
Love Language
by Kris Barnsfather, MD
Many of you know or have at least heard of the five love languages. They are: words of affirmation; receiving gifts; spending high-quality time together; acts of service; and physical touch.
My previous partner in Texas would profess that her love language was giving and receiving gifts. She held true to that and would give me things periodically,“ just because.” My predominant love language is the time element( which is ironic now that I’ m rereading this, given how little extra time I have to spend with family). My least favorite is receiving gifts( insert“ awkward face” GIF here). In fact, I get slightly uncomfortable receiving a gift especially if I have nothing to give in return. I do, however, enjoy giving gifts of any type, more so if it doesn’ t involve shopping. It’ s not an easy thing to give gifts without having to shop for them. Or is it? That depends on your gift.
My husband got me a gift for Mother’ s Day. His name is Captain, and he is a yellow Labrador. We shopped for him by driving to the breeder and meeting the four males out of a litter of nine. I have no qualms about that kind of shopping! I’ m a huge fan of puppy breath... maybe not the teeth that go with it. He came home at 14 pounds and is now 5 months old weighing in at 60 pounds. My husband heard me say one day that I needed pet therapy and it was time for a puppy, so he helped make it happen. There are some days and nights when I question this particular gift, but I would never think to return him. Captain’ s love language? All five. His favorites are gifts( who doesn’ t love a good treat?), time with us and touching. His service is lacking, but we have time to work on that.
There are other forms of gift giving that don’ t require shopping. One gift in particular requires medical school, residency and years of service and experience. It is the gift of shared decision making. It can be found in the aisle of“ I don’ t know it all” in the store of“ We are not all the same.” Evidence-based medicine took us for a turn. We thought practicing medicine based on the evidence would be easier and clearer and have better outcomes. Many of us forgot that research is designed to find something. It is not designed just to see what rises to the top. We also cannot control the patients’ behavior, their resources
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