EMBRACING THE ROLES OF MEDICINE
know a patient for 30 years ? At some point , conversations go beyond symptoms and medications . You take note of important life events , rejoice in happy moments and mourn together in sad times . Many deep connections can be made over 30 years .
It wasn ’ t long after Annette ’ s post that I would be reminded of this bond . During a routine follow-up visit , I noted that a patient ’ s primary care physician was listed as Dr . Mary Barry , who I was told had retired months ago . I pointed this fact out to her and asked for her new PCP . After a long pause , the patient did something I really wasn ’ t prepared for . She began to cry . “ She was my doctor for 20 years . She ’ s the one that figured out all of my symptoms and sent me to this clinic . I don ’ t want to find a new doctor .”
I was at a loss for words , and for several minutes , we silently grieved together . A few weeks later , another Dr . Barry patient was in distress . This time the patient ’ s words were : “ I didn ’ t even get to say goodbye .” As the years went on , there would be other examples . Around 2022 , it was Dr . Constancio Bautista ’ s retirement : “ He took care of my mother and me . What are we going to do ?” Later , it was Dr . Stephen Roszell ’ s retirement : “ I ’ m never going to find a doctor like him .” At one point , I jokingly told myself that I would need a separate grief counseling room for these moments .
There ’ s no point in reminding a patient how to find a new physician . That ’ s really not the problem . The issue is that a relationship had been built , and now suddenly , it was all gone . Sometimes in these moments I wondered : do any of these physicians know how much they were loved ? Do they miss their patients too ?
On that note , I return to Annette . In November 2023 , at the age of 92 , Annette Feaster peacefully passed away in hospice , surrounded by her husband and children . Among the many prayers and fond memories , the family was surprised to receive a typed letter , which they posted online . It was written by Dr . Charles
Sweeney , an ophthalmologist in Gainesville , Florida . Dr . Sweeney wrote the following :
“ Mrs . Feaster has been a patient here for many years and I had the privilege of seeing her for most of those visits . I saw her most recently on October 5 and like so many of her other visits she expressed such happiness with her life and her pride for her daughters ’ accomplishments - one is a pharmacist and the other is a nurse .
Please take comfort in knowing that she was well-liked here by all of our staff . She was an amazing woman with such vibrance and vitality we could hardly believe she was 92 at her last visit . She always looked and carried herself like she was 20 years younger .”
It ’ s amazing how a letter only meant for a small number or people could have such an emotional impact on many more . It was as if we were all there at her final visit with her doctor , sharing in the joy of hearing her speak about her family . As one friend wrote in reply to the letter , “ It summed up Annette so well .” For me , it was a great example of how we learn so much more about our patients beyond their diagnoses .
Here I am at 10 years in practice , and I stand in awe of the physicians I ’ ve noted above . In another 10 years , will I be as deeply connected to my patients as they were to theirs ? I often go back to that final Beatles lyric and appreciate that there ’ s something more to it . There ’ s no exact measurement on the love we give and take . Brief moments of compassion in our small clinic space spread and amplify in ways we can ’ t imagine , and the universe returns that love to us .
And in the end , the love you take is equal to the love you make .
Dr . Ganesh is a practicing neurologist at Norton Neuroscience Institute ’ s Hussung Family Multiple Sclerosis Center .
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